![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
answer_keyby tuulentupa / 
tuuli_chan
Water Children Part II: Sai
Being an adult, Sai thought to himself, wasn't quite as grand as he had thought. Mainly it had brought around changes he didn't like. For one, he couldn't meet his mother as informally as before anymore; only seldom she invited him to her side of the curtain. For another, he didn't like the hairdo. The topknot was so tight it hurt his scalp. Another problem was his fast-growing hair - already a week after the ceremony servants had to cut it again.
He had hoped that once he'd be adult he would have greater freedom, but he found out this wasn't the case. He was still practically shut into his mother's house. He wished his father would take him to court, or at least to meet new people, but nothing happened. Yes, he loved his mother, but playing go just against her and occasionally a few of the servants (who, in truth, were better players than his mother) was beginning to make him weary. He wanted to find new opponents.
And so, one day as he had been idling away his hours in the garden, watching the rock garden - he did like the way the sand was raked into little waves, but he didn't like sand - his eyes fell on an open gate and he walked out. He didn't have a clue where he was going, so he just walked on. He wasn't a child anymore. Surely he could go out if he wanted to.
He had a vague understanding of the plan of the city and of the location of his mother's house, and so he started walking toward the direction where he thought the Suzaku Avenue might be. On the way he had to cross a canal, and as he walked across it he could smell the water, hear its call, but he clutched the pendant on his neck and walked on, not giving a glance down into the water.
He had left to the right direction, and soon he found himself at the edge of the Avenue. He stopped, stunned. He had known it was wide, but before he had seen it only partially from the carriage's window. He had had no idea how huge it truly was. All the open space almost made him frightened.
And eager. There was even more to explore than he would have imagined. So he walked and watched and listened and wondered. Very few people seemed to pay any attention to him at all; some stopped to look after him, possibly wondering why a young lord like him was walking around completely unattended. Sai didn't notice. Spring had arrived, and cherry blossoms with it, and it was a beautiful day to be walking in the city. But more than the beauty of the Capital of Peace and Tranquility, it was the ordinary, the mundane that took his attention. He had never before seen commoners in his life - except his parents' servants, but they were quite different from the simple laborers he saw hurrying on their way through the streets, and he was staring at each and every one of them wonderingly.
All things considered, if he were to try, he probably could have counted all the people he had met during his life, at least approximately. He had never realized how different people could be. His curiosity and excitement increased. If people were so different outwardly, how different might they be inwardly? And if their differences were as big, or even bigger...
A quiet snapping sound cut off his thoughts. A familiar sound, and his feet turned as if on their own. There was a wall, and a small gate in it, and he walked toward it, peeking in curiously. He couldn't see anyone, but again he heard the snap of a stone against wood, and he stepped in. A few more steps ahead, and he saw two men sitting in the shadow of trees, engaged in a game. He was about to start walking toward them, when he suddenly realized he probably shouldn't be entering other people's yards like that, uninvited. He was about to leave, as quietly as he had come, but then one of the men noticed him.
"Well, hello there," the man said, and Sai stopped, hesitating. "Can I help you somehow?"
"I... I'm sorry to intrude..." Sai glanced at the gate. Then his gaze returned to the go board. "I just... heard the sound of you playing, and..."
"Heard?" the man laughed. "To the streets? Keen hearing you've got, boy."
"I'm sorry," Sai muttered again and bowed. "I'll be going now..."
"Did you want to play?" the man asked. "This game is as good as finished, anyway."
"What, are you resigning?" his opponent asked, and he laughed out loud.
"You're the one who should have already done that," he pointed out.
The other frowned, looking at the board. "What? It's not over yet!"
Sai had walked closer to them, covering his hands under his long sleeves. "It is a difficult situation for white," he muttered, eyeing curiously the board. The man playing white shot him a glare while the other grinned, but he went on, not noticing either of them, "but it is not over yet. White can still win."
The men looked down at the board, then, as one, at him. "Think so?" the one who had black said. "Well, let us see."
They played on, and white did lose, crushingly. Sai was shaking his head as he watched the board. "If you had played here, and then here, you could have won," he said to the white player. "You could have captured all stones in this corner."
The man stared at the board with a frown, and the winner was shaking his head. "Surely not," he started, but then his opponent stood up.
"Why don't you show us how, know-it-all boy," he said in an annoyed tone.
Sai hesitated, but only for a short moment. He would have to be very careful... but thankfully his sleeves were long enough he should be able to play a game so that only his fingertips would show. He pulled his sleeves as far as possible and sat down at the man's place. "If you want me to," he said and started clearing the board. The two watched in silence as he recreated the situation where the game had been when he arrived. "It was black's turn here, wasn't it?" he asked, and without saying anything the man played the same move he'd played in the game.
The men were very silent for a long while once this version of the game was finished. Although he had started with a huge disadvantage, Sai had pulled a three moku win.
Then, "Mototsuna needs to play against this boy," one stated, and after a short while they were joined by a third man, and Sai got to play a full game of his own. More and more people showed up during that game, and as Sai again won, he had soon a new opponent facing him. He kept on winning, one game after another, but more than the constant victories, getting to play against so many different people made him overjoyed. Not all of them were good players, but there was something new for him to learn in every single game.
"Thank you for the game." He bowed his head as yet one game was over. Looking up at the sky he realized that evening was already arriving. He had been out much longer than he had planned. "I think I should be going soon. It's been..."
"Already!" his opponent exclaimed. "What, I get no chance to redeem myself?"
Sai would have loved to play against this man again - he had been one of the best players among his many opponents - but he was afraid his mother was worrying herself sick, not knowing where he was. "I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "Perhaps some other day. I really should be going home now."
"If you must, then you must," the man agreed with a sigh. "But what is your name? Where do I find you for a rematch?"
"I'm Fujiwara no Sai," Sai replied with a bow. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier... the games took all my attention. My father is Middle Counselor Tadamasa. I'm still living with my mother on the fifth street."
"Middle Counselor..." someone in the group muttered. "But his sons are older..." the voice trailed off.
"Fifth street," someone else said. "Isn't that where..." He too left his sentence unfinished.
Sai froze for a moment, clenching his fists in the cover of his sleeves. He could feel the change in the atmosphere; the curiosity turning into wariness. Suddenly there was a tight knot of fear in the pit of his stomach. "I..." he said, voice hesitant, "I'll be going then..."
"Your hands, boy," his last opponent said. "Why aren't you showing your hands?"
"Ah... I..." Sai stuttered, not knowing what to say, reflexively hiding his hands behind his back. "I just, I mean, I should go, mother must be worried..."
Someone grasped his sleeve and pulled it up. There were frightened gasps, some made signs to expel evil spirits.
"Should have known it..." one man muttered, hiding behind his fan. "What human child has eyes of such color..."
"Or plays such go," someone added, and there were murmurs of consent. Sai found himself suddenly at the center of a widening circle, as people slowly backed away from him.
"I," he started, but still didn't know what to say. "I am human," he finally whispered, desperately, but the frightened gazes fixed on him didn't believe it.
"That I've had a changeling in my yard, playing on my go board," the owner of the place exclaimed. "Truly frightful!" He too was viewing Sai from behind his fan, as if it would protect him against otherworldly influences. "If you were going, then do go! Go!" He made shooing gestures with his fan, a little panicky look in his eyes. "Get out already!"
Sai opened his mouth again but got out only a choked gasp; then he turned and ran.
He ran fast, tears in his eyes, without any idea where he was going to. People stared after him as he went, but he didn't even see them - he just wanted away. It is hard to say what might have happened had he crossed any waters in his current state, but luckily there were many people on the streets looking for him, and he ran straight into one group.
"Young master!" one servant exclaimed. "Where have you been?"
He stopped, stared at them blinking tears away from his eyes. Then he raised his arm to cover his face with his sleeve, embarrassed. He answered nothing to the servants' questions but allowed them to lead himself back home where his frantic mother was waiting for him. She received him full of relief, which first turned into anger (How could you disappear like that!) and then to concern and worry (Are you alright? Are you sure you're alright?) Both made him feel equally bad, but even so he didn't answer her questions either, sat only quietly while she was fussing over him as if he were still just a child. Only when his father arrived he finally told them, fragmentarily, where he had been and what had happened.
"You foolish boy!" his father snapped. "Shouldn't you have understood they'd realize who you are?"
"I'm sorry, father," he said, eyes on the ground. "I... didn't think. And... they liked playing against me, so..." So I thought they wouldn't, maybe, mind...
"Is it just his fault?" his mother put in. "He is not a child anymore, yet you want to keep him locked in here as if he were a prisoner! You are his father - if you had introduced him to people properly this would have never happened!"
The Middle Counselor heaved out a great sigh. "You think people would accept him just like that if I were to introduce him? Your naivety is astounding. But the damage has been done... I guess we have no choice. I'll take him to court tomorrow."
"Tomorrow!" his wife exclaimed. "Isn't that a little too hasty? Shouldn't we wait for people to calm down and forget..."
"No. We have obviously waited too long. It's better to cut wings from rumors right away."
And so it was decided. Sai said nothing. Just one day earlier news like this would have made him thrilled. Now, he saw the worry in his mother's eyes, and couldn't help sharing it.
Nevertheless, early next day he was dressed in court attire, and he headed to the palace with his father.
"Do not hide your hands," the Middle Counselor told him quietly on their way there. "Hide nothing. You have nothing to be shamed of."
Sai nodded. I'm not ashamed, he thought to himself. Just scared.
They reached the palace and climbed out of their palanquin. As they walked through the yards they got long looks from people. The Middle Counselor behaved as if he noticed nothing, and Sai mimicked him as he best could. His father spotted people he knew and walked to them.
They exchanged a few pleasantries, during which the men's eyes kept on wandering to Sai and his hands. "This is my youngest son, Sai," the Middle Counselor finally said, and Sai bowed. "He just recently had his coming-of-age ceremony, and I thought it's about time I present him at court." He spoke lightly as if there was nothing peculiar about the matter at all. His friends kept on glancing from him to the boy, clearly uncertain of how to react.
"A splendid young man," one of them finally muttered. "I believe we have heard much about him." Once again his gaze dropped to Sai's hands. "Is he... I mean, is there..." he paused, looking confused, unable to figure out how to put his question into words without offending the Middle Counselor.
"You have heard many rumors, you mean?" the counselor said still in a light tone. "I am sure of that. And I admit, it is quite clear that my boy is somewhat extraordinary. But what of it? He still shows much promise, and I am sure he can yet be of great service to the throne."
"Certainly," his friend murmured, glancing at the others as if wishing for support. "He is apparently a skilled go-player, for his age... or so I hear."
"It is one of his strengths," the Middle Counselor said modestly. He seemed to be about to say more, but then a new voice joined the conversation.
"Go? How splendid! It is always wonderful to see new enthusiastic go players enter the court."
The Middle Counselor turned to face the newcomer, a light shadow passing across his face. "Then I'm happy to tell you my son loves the game quite deeply." He turned back to Sai. "Now, here is a face and name you should remember. This is Sugawara no Akitada, the emperor's go tutor."
Sai's eyes widened a little and he bowed, deeper than before. "Honored to meet you."
"So, you enjoy go?" the tutor asked, and Sai nodded eagerly.
"Greatly! I am constantly amazed at the depth of the game. I wish I could spend all my days playing..."
The man laughed. "You did not exaggerate," he said to the counselor, watching the boy thoughtfully. "You know, I have heard of the games you played yesterday, and I must admit I am curious. Would you play a game with me?"
Sai's whole face brightened.
"Perhaps later," his father put in apologetically before he could say anything. "Today I was wishing to present him to the emperor, so..."
"Father!" Sai exclaimed. "Please! Just one quick game!"
The emperor's go tutor was nodding. "You are a little early," he pointed out. "I am sure we'd have time for one game before the emperor receives anyone."
The Middle Counselor didn't look happy about it, but in the end consented.
"You say you won all your games yesterday?" he whispered to his son as they were waiting for a go board. "Don't win this one. It would be too strange if someone your age would win against the imperial go tutor."
Sai nodded slowly. Losing purposefully was a concept that had never crossed his mind, but he figured his father had a reason for the warning. He just hoped this man would be so good he would lose anyway.
From the very beginning he could feel that this game would be different from the others he had played. The man on the other side of the board had a strange air about him. His appearance was friendly, but even so Sai felt a coldness in him, and as he glanced hesitantly at his father who wore a very guarded expression on his face, he figured there was something going on that he didn't quite understand. Obviously these two weren't friends, and that saddened him - to be the emperor's go tutor this man had to be a great player, and so he would have wanted to be on friendly terms with him.
But the flow in the stones this day was anything but friendly. Sai hesitated, thinking of his father's words. He would have wanted to play his best, show what he could and so win the man over, but he didn't dare to disobey his father. He played his stone, and his opponent smiled a little, clearly knowing that this was not the best move. Sai switched, annoyed. I know it's not! he wanted to shout, but remained quiet, eyes on the board.
"It is very peculiar," the man suddenly said as they had been playing for a while. Sai looked up and realized he was watching his hands. "I have never seen anything like this. One can't but wonder..." He played his move, and again Sai's reply wasn't quite the best. A thin smile tugged his lips again. "Certainly a good game for one so young," he stated, "but hardly anything spectacular. I would have expected more. But I guess there is nothing else to see but a strange freak of nature..."
He looked away, out to the blue sky, and his thoughts seemed to wander away. Sai bit his lip. Nothing but a freak of nature? A slight tremor ran through him, and he could practically feel his scalp itching. Look at me! Look at my go! Can't you see it? Isn't it a little too precise how I always play the second best move? But his opponent laid yet another stone on the board, the look on his face almost bored.
Sai shot a guilty glance at his father. I'm sorry, he mouthed, though he knew his father didn't notice. He was some ten moku behind at the moment. Against an opponent of this quality it was much... but it was not hopeless. He was sure it was not hopeless. At the very least he could show this man what his go truly was like.
He played a stone. No one seemed to pay much attention to that first move, not his opponent nor their audience, but five moves later he noticed a change in them. He met his opponent's eyes across the board, and for the first time the man really looked at him. Sai suppressed the urge to smile. See?
After yet five more moves, his father got a coughing attack. Sai glanced at him and for a moment their eyes met. He winced a little at the look he got, but shook lightly his head. No. This was his game.
It turned into a fierce battle. Outwardly Sai remained quiet and calm, but inside he was rejoicing. Never mind the result - this was the best game he had ever played. Stone after stone they plunged deeper into the game, and every time he thought they possibly could not reach any higher level, a move from his opponent forced him to rethink everything once again.
In the end he won by two moku.
The audience was breathless. For a long moment no one said anything. Then the emperor's go tutor raised his gaze, and his eyes were dark.
"This... is not natural," he said slowly.
Sai looked at him, lips a little parted, suddenly all tense. "Did you not... enjoy the game?" he asked, very, very quietly.
His opponent stood up, sleeves swooshing. "This is not natural!" he repeated. He turned to the Middle Counselor. "I do not know what your son is, but this... this... no child can play like this!"
"Well, to be exact, he is not a child anymore..." the counselor tried to say, but no one was listening to him.
"He is right," one of the audience said, eyeing Sai warily. "This kind of game is impossible! And what... what is the matter with his hair?"
Sai raised a hand to his head, realizing his scalp was still itching. His hair, which should have been pulled tightly into the topknot, felt somehow loose. As he touched it by his left ear a part of it fell free and hang down over his shoulder, much longer than it had been in the morning.
The men stared at him, then at the counselor. "What is this creature you're trying to bring to the court?"
The Middle Counselor fell silent. He watched the board and the finished game, glanced at his son, and shook his head slightly. "I do not know," he said quietly. Then he looked at Sai. "Come. We're going."
"But..."
"Come, now!" He started walking away, and Sai had no choice but to follow.
They spent the way home in silence. As soon as she heard they were already back Sai's mother hurried to them.
"I do not know what this so-called son is that you bore for me," Sai's father exclaimed the moment he saw her. "But certainly none of mine!" He grasped angrily Sai's hat and pulled it off, and his wife let out a tiny gasp at the sight of the hair that cascaded freely over Sai's back.
"You can keep him," the Middle Counselor concluded darkly, turned on his heels, and left.
A long moment mother and son stared at each other. "I am sorry, mother," Sai whispered then. "I'm afraid I messed up everything."
She closed her eyes, shook her head, and pulled him into a tight hug.
After this unsuccessful visit at the palace they soon found their living at the capital quite restless. The Middle Counselor clearly had decided to have nothing to do with them anymore, and without his support they were quite on their own. The rumors were growing wilder all the time, and after someone had attempted to put their mansion on fire, Sai's mother decided it might be safer for them to leave the capital for a while. They packed their things and one early morning slipped quietly out of the city with only a few men as their entourage, heading to a temple where she had once been in retreat.
When they left the capital behind, Sai's feelings were quite mixed. He thought longingly of the house where he had grown up (though not so long ago he had dreamed of leaving it behind), wondered if he and his father ever could be reconciled. Even so, he was glad to finally get out, see the world. One capital, perhaps, was closed to them, but certainly rest of the world was much larger. His mother, though, seemed to take their voluntary exile quite heavily, and this saddened him.
They had traveled for a few days when one evening when they had just stopped for the night two men approached them. They were rather coarse and dirty, but as far as they caused no trouble Sai's mother decided it was best to be polite with them and hope they would continue their way soon. She told her servants to speak as little as possible with the men, and remained herself, keeping Sai with her, behind her covers.
In the night, a scream woke them up. Sai was the first on his feet, wide awake. He smelled something rusty in the air, and all his senses were warning him of danger. "Mother," he whispered as she sat up, clinging to her blanket, but fell then silent.
Two forms were rolling on the ground. There was flash of something bright, a gurgling sound, and that rusty smell got stronger. Sai glanced frantically around as one of the forms stood up. The other remained on the ground, unmoving. And a bit farther away he saw another lumped figure, sprawling on the ground... Of their other servants there was no sign, but soon a form appeared among the trees. For a moment Sai held his breath, hoping... but as the moon came out of the clouds he saw that the ones left standing were the two strangers.
He heard his mother let out a frightened gasp, and he swallowed. If all of their men were dead, how could he protect her? The men were already walking toward them. One of them reached his hand and pulled away the cover.
"Sorry to bother your sleep, ma'am," he said with a grin, "but there seems to be some bandits on the move. Bad night to sleep outside."
The other man chuckled, but frowned then looking at Sai. "The hell is this? Dressed like a man but looks like a girl. Which are you?" Sai's hair, the source behind his confusion, had just kept on growing and now it reached almost to his knees.
Sai took a deep breath, attempted to steady his voice. "We do not carry much with us," he said, taking a step so that he stood between his mother and the men. "You can take it all. Just leave my mother in peace."
"I asked what you are! Do we have to check?" The man reached his hand to grasp Sai, but at that instant his mother jumped to her feet.
"Do not touch my son!" she shrieked, pushing Sai aside.
The men laughed as she stood there, panting, facing them. "Son, is it? Are you sure? He's quite a looker. Then again, so are you."
He grasped her hair and pulled her closer. Sai plunged forward - "Mother!" - but the other man grasped him, holding him back. He could but watch as his mother struggled against the man's hold, attempted to bite his arm, and the man cursed, wrenching her head back, but still she fought back, twisting, trying to break free, and he pulled, sharply, and there was a quietest snap, and her body went limp in his hands.
The man cursed loudly and let her fall to the ground. "Stupid bitch!"
"What, you broke her neck? Idiot!" The other man practically threw Sai from his hands - the boy had gone almost as limp as his mother. He fell to his knees and crawled to her, breath stuck in his throat, hands reaching toward her but not daring to touch.
"Mother," he whispered, eyes staring at the awkward bend of her neck. "Mother..."
"Sorry 'bout that, kid," one of the men said. They were already going through their few possessions. "Her own fault, though."
Sai looked up. His eyes fixed on the men who were examining his mother's personal things, and slowly he stood up. Anger was swelling up in him, so great he thought he might explode with it. "Mother," he whispered one more time, eyes dark and wide, nostrils flared, and a shudder went through him. His hand rose up, to the fire pendant on his neck, and with one sharp move he tore it off for the first time since he had been a toddler.
As the pendant dropped to the ground from his fingers he felt the water around him, in him, in the land, in the air, in his mother's body on the ground... in the two men in front of him. He reached to it, called it like it used to call him, and suddenly first one of the men, then the other stumbled, gurgled, fell to the ground, water filling their lungs and mouths, making them drown on dry land.
Gasping for breath they glanced at the boy behind them, horror in their eyes. They tried to say something, shout, perhaps beg, but couldn't for the water pouring from their mouths and noses. One of them tried to ran but soon fell to the ground again, and after an endless period of thrashing and spluttering they finally lay still in the pools forming around them.
Sai stared at them long, unmoving, breathing heavily. Slowly his anger faded and his gaze moved to his mother. Tears filling his eyes he knelt beside her again, this time gathering her in his arms. A long while he stayed there, holding her in the quiet of the night. Then, without a glance at the dead bodies around him, he stood up, still holding her. Slowly he started to walk away.
His mother wasn't a big woman, but still she made a heavy burden for a boy like him. He didn't have long to go, though; he knew that. The water flowing in the ground guided him, and soon he arrived to a small lake, hidden among the trees. He knelt down by its shore, gently lowering his mother to the ground.
He knew the custom would be to cremate her, but he would not give his mother to fire. He looked around, gathered a few big stones and wrapped them into her clothes. After short hesitation he took off his own clothes. Then he took her in his arms again and walked into the water. When his feet didn't anymore reach the ground he swam, finding that movement more natural than walking had ever been, still holding on to her. Once he reached the deepest part of the lake he took one final look of her face and then let her fall. A while he still stayed floating quietly on the lake's surface, watching the trees, the pile of his clothes on the shore, the dark night sky, and then he dove into the water and let it all go.
tuulentupa / tuuli_chanWater Children Part II: Sai
Being an adult, Sai thought to himself, wasn't quite as grand as he had thought. Mainly it had brought around changes he didn't like. For one, he couldn't meet his mother as informally as before anymore; only seldom she invited him to her side of the curtain. For another, he didn't like the hairdo. The topknot was so tight it hurt his scalp. Another problem was his fast-growing hair - already a week after the ceremony servants had to cut it again.
He had hoped that once he'd be adult he would have greater freedom, but he found out this wasn't the case. He was still practically shut into his mother's house. He wished his father would take him to court, or at least to meet new people, but nothing happened. Yes, he loved his mother, but playing go just against her and occasionally a few of the servants (who, in truth, were better players than his mother) was beginning to make him weary. He wanted to find new opponents.
And so, one day as he had been idling away his hours in the garden, watching the rock garden - he did like the way the sand was raked into little waves, but he didn't like sand - his eyes fell on an open gate and he walked out. He didn't have a clue where he was going, so he just walked on. He wasn't a child anymore. Surely he could go out if he wanted to.
He had a vague understanding of the plan of the city and of the location of his mother's house, and so he started walking toward the direction where he thought the Suzaku Avenue might be. On the way he had to cross a canal, and as he walked across it he could smell the water, hear its call, but he clutched the pendant on his neck and walked on, not giving a glance down into the water.
He had left to the right direction, and soon he found himself at the edge of the Avenue. He stopped, stunned. He had known it was wide, but before he had seen it only partially from the carriage's window. He had had no idea how huge it truly was. All the open space almost made him frightened.
And eager. There was even more to explore than he would have imagined. So he walked and watched and listened and wondered. Very few people seemed to pay any attention to him at all; some stopped to look after him, possibly wondering why a young lord like him was walking around completely unattended. Sai didn't notice. Spring had arrived, and cherry blossoms with it, and it was a beautiful day to be walking in the city. But more than the beauty of the Capital of Peace and Tranquility, it was the ordinary, the mundane that took his attention. He had never before seen commoners in his life - except his parents' servants, but they were quite different from the simple laborers he saw hurrying on their way through the streets, and he was staring at each and every one of them wonderingly.
All things considered, if he were to try, he probably could have counted all the people he had met during his life, at least approximately. He had never realized how different people could be. His curiosity and excitement increased. If people were so different outwardly, how different might they be inwardly? And if their differences were as big, or even bigger...
A quiet snapping sound cut off his thoughts. A familiar sound, and his feet turned as if on their own. There was a wall, and a small gate in it, and he walked toward it, peeking in curiously. He couldn't see anyone, but again he heard the snap of a stone against wood, and he stepped in. A few more steps ahead, and he saw two men sitting in the shadow of trees, engaged in a game. He was about to start walking toward them, when he suddenly realized he probably shouldn't be entering other people's yards like that, uninvited. He was about to leave, as quietly as he had come, but then one of the men noticed him.
"Well, hello there," the man said, and Sai stopped, hesitating. "Can I help you somehow?"
"I... I'm sorry to intrude..." Sai glanced at the gate. Then his gaze returned to the go board. "I just... heard the sound of you playing, and..."
"Heard?" the man laughed. "To the streets? Keen hearing you've got, boy."
"I'm sorry," Sai muttered again and bowed. "I'll be going now..."
"Did you want to play?" the man asked. "This game is as good as finished, anyway."
"What, are you resigning?" his opponent asked, and he laughed out loud.
"You're the one who should have already done that," he pointed out.
The other frowned, looking at the board. "What? It's not over yet!"
Sai had walked closer to them, covering his hands under his long sleeves. "It is a difficult situation for white," he muttered, eyeing curiously the board. The man playing white shot him a glare while the other grinned, but he went on, not noticing either of them, "but it is not over yet. White can still win."
The men looked down at the board, then, as one, at him. "Think so?" the one who had black said. "Well, let us see."
They played on, and white did lose, crushingly. Sai was shaking his head as he watched the board. "If you had played here, and then here, you could have won," he said to the white player. "You could have captured all stones in this corner."
The man stared at the board with a frown, and the winner was shaking his head. "Surely not," he started, but then his opponent stood up.
"Why don't you show us how, know-it-all boy," he said in an annoyed tone.
Sai hesitated, but only for a short moment. He would have to be very careful... but thankfully his sleeves were long enough he should be able to play a game so that only his fingertips would show. He pulled his sleeves as far as possible and sat down at the man's place. "If you want me to," he said and started clearing the board. The two watched in silence as he recreated the situation where the game had been when he arrived. "It was black's turn here, wasn't it?" he asked, and without saying anything the man played the same move he'd played in the game.
The men were very silent for a long while once this version of the game was finished. Although he had started with a huge disadvantage, Sai had pulled a three moku win.
Then, "Mototsuna needs to play against this boy," one stated, and after a short while they were joined by a third man, and Sai got to play a full game of his own. More and more people showed up during that game, and as Sai again won, he had soon a new opponent facing him. He kept on winning, one game after another, but more than the constant victories, getting to play against so many different people made him overjoyed. Not all of them were good players, but there was something new for him to learn in every single game.
"Thank you for the game." He bowed his head as yet one game was over. Looking up at the sky he realized that evening was already arriving. He had been out much longer than he had planned. "I think I should be going soon. It's been..."
"Already!" his opponent exclaimed. "What, I get no chance to redeem myself?"
Sai would have loved to play against this man again - he had been one of the best players among his many opponents - but he was afraid his mother was worrying herself sick, not knowing where he was. "I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "Perhaps some other day. I really should be going home now."
"If you must, then you must," the man agreed with a sigh. "But what is your name? Where do I find you for a rematch?"
"I'm Fujiwara no Sai," Sai replied with a bow. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier... the games took all my attention. My father is Middle Counselor Tadamasa. I'm still living with my mother on the fifth street."
"Middle Counselor..." someone in the group muttered. "But his sons are older..." the voice trailed off.
"Fifth street," someone else said. "Isn't that where..." He too left his sentence unfinished.
Sai froze for a moment, clenching his fists in the cover of his sleeves. He could feel the change in the atmosphere; the curiosity turning into wariness. Suddenly there was a tight knot of fear in the pit of his stomach. "I..." he said, voice hesitant, "I'll be going then..."
"Your hands, boy," his last opponent said. "Why aren't you showing your hands?"
"Ah... I..." Sai stuttered, not knowing what to say, reflexively hiding his hands behind his back. "I just, I mean, I should go, mother must be worried..."
Someone grasped his sleeve and pulled it up. There were frightened gasps, some made signs to expel evil spirits.
"Should have known it..." one man muttered, hiding behind his fan. "What human child has eyes of such color..."
"Or plays such go," someone added, and there were murmurs of consent. Sai found himself suddenly at the center of a widening circle, as people slowly backed away from him.
"I," he started, but still didn't know what to say. "I am human," he finally whispered, desperately, but the frightened gazes fixed on him didn't believe it.
"That I've had a changeling in my yard, playing on my go board," the owner of the place exclaimed. "Truly frightful!" He too was viewing Sai from behind his fan, as if it would protect him against otherworldly influences. "If you were going, then do go! Go!" He made shooing gestures with his fan, a little panicky look in his eyes. "Get out already!"
Sai opened his mouth again but got out only a choked gasp; then he turned and ran.
He ran fast, tears in his eyes, without any idea where he was going to. People stared after him as he went, but he didn't even see them - he just wanted away. It is hard to say what might have happened had he crossed any waters in his current state, but luckily there were many people on the streets looking for him, and he ran straight into one group.
"Young master!" one servant exclaimed. "Where have you been?"
He stopped, stared at them blinking tears away from his eyes. Then he raised his arm to cover his face with his sleeve, embarrassed. He answered nothing to the servants' questions but allowed them to lead himself back home where his frantic mother was waiting for him. She received him full of relief, which first turned into anger (How could you disappear like that!) and then to concern and worry (Are you alright? Are you sure you're alright?) Both made him feel equally bad, but even so he didn't answer her questions either, sat only quietly while she was fussing over him as if he were still just a child. Only when his father arrived he finally told them, fragmentarily, where he had been and what had happened.
"You foolish boy!" his father snapped. "Shouldn't you have understood they'd realize who you are?"
"I'm sorry, father," he said, eyes on the ground. "I... didn't think. And... they liked playing against me, so..." So I thought they wouldn't, maybe, mind...
"Is it just his fault?" his mother put in. "He is not a child anymore, yet you want to keep him locked in here as if he were a prisoner! You are his father - if you had introduced him to people properly this would have never happened!"
The Middle Counselor heaved out a great sigh. "You think people would accept him just like that if I were to introduce him? Your naivety is astounding. But the damage has been done... I guess we have no choice. I'll take him to court tomorrow."
"Tomorrow!" his wife exclaimed. "Isn't that a little too hasty? Shouldn't we wait for people to calm down and forget..."
"No. We have obviously waited too long. It's better to cut wings from rumors right away."
And so it was decided. Sai said nothing. Just one day earlier news like this would have made him thrilled. Now, he saw the worry in his mother's eyes, and couldn't help sharing it.
Nevertheless, early next day he was dressed in court attire, and he headed to the palace with his father.
"Do not hide your hands," the Middle Counselor told him quietly on their way there. "Hide nothing. You have nothing to be shamed of."
Sai nodded. I'm not ashamed, he thought to himself. Just scared.
They reached the palace and climbed out of their palanquin. As they walked through the yards they got long looks from people. The Middle Counselor behaved as if he noticed nothing, and Sai mimicked him as he best could. His father spotted people he knew and walked to them.
They exchanged a few pleasantries, during which the men's eyes kept on wandering to Sai and his hands. "This is my youngest son, Sai," the Middle Counselor finally said, and Sai bowed. "He just recently had his coming-of-age ceremony, and I thought it's about time I present him at court." He spoke lightly as if there was nothing peculiar about the matter at all. His friends kept on glancing from him to the boy, clearly uncertain of how to react.
"A splendid young man," one of them finally muttered. "I believe we have heard much about him." Once again his gaze dropped to Sai's hands. "Is he... I mean, is there..." he paused, looking confused, unable to figure out how to put his question into words without offending the Middle Counselor.
"You have heard many rumors, you mean?" the counselor said still in a light tone. "I am sure of that. And I admit, it is quite clear that my boy is somewhat extraordinary. But what of it? He still shows much promise, and I am sure he can yet be of great service to the throne."
"Certainly," his friend murmured, glancing at the others as if wishing for support. "He is apparently a skilled go-player, for his age... or so I hear."
"It is one of his strengths," the Middle Counselor said modestly. He seemed to be about to say more, but then a new voice joined the conversation.
"Go? How splendid! It is always wonderful to see new enthusiastic go players enter the court."
The Middle Counselor turned to face the newcomer, a light shadow passing across his face. "Then I'm happy to tell you my son loves the game quite deeply." He turned back to Sai. "Now, here is a face and name you should remember. This is Sugawara no Akitada, the emperor's go tutor."
Sai's eyes widened a little and he bowed, deeper than before. "Honored to meet you."
"So, you enjoy go?" the tutor asked, and Sai nodded eagerly.
"Greatly! I am constantly amazed at the depth of the game. I wish I could spend all my days playing..."
The man laughed. "You did not exaggerate," he said to the counselor, watching the boy thoughtfully. "You know, I have heard of the games you played yesterday, and I must admit I am curious. Would you play a game with me?"
Sai's whole face brightened.
"Perhaps later," his father put in apologetically before he could say anything. "Today I was wishing to present him to the emperor, so..."
"Father!" Sai exclaimed. "Please! Just one quick game!"
The emperor's go tutor was nodding. "You are a little early," he pointed out. "I am sure we'd have time for one game before the emperor receives anyone."
The Middle Counselor didn't look happy about it, but in the end consented.
"You say you won all your games yesterday?" he whispered to his son as they were waiting for a go board. "Don't win this one. It would be too strange if someone your age would win against the imperial go tutor."
Sai nodded slowly. Losing purposefully was a concept that had never crossed his mind, but he figured his father had a reason for the warning. He just hoped this man would be so good he would lose anyway.
From the very beginning he could feel that this game would be different from the others he had played. The man on the other side of the board had a strange air about him. His appearance was friendly, but even so Sai felt a coldness in him, and as he glanced hesitantly at his father who wore a very guarded expression on his face, he figured there was something going on that he didn't quite understand. Obviously these two weren't friends, and that saddened him - to be the emperor's go tutor this man had to be a great player, and so he would have wanted to be on friendly terms with him.
But the flow in the stones this day was anything but friendly. Sai hesitated, thinking of his father's words. He would have wanted to play his best, show what he could and so win the man over, but he didn't dare to disobey his father. He played his stone, and his opponent smiled a little, clearly knowing that this was not the best move. Sai switched, annoyed. I know it's not! he wanted to shout, but remained quiet, eyes on the board.
"It is very peculiar," the man suddenly said as they had been playing for a while. Sai looked up and realized he was watching his hands. "I have never seen anything like this. One can't but wonder..." He played his move, and again Sai's reply wasn't quite the best. A thin smile tugged his lips again. "Certainly a good game for one so young," he stated, "but hardly anything spectacular. I would have expected more. But I guess there is nothing else to see but a strange freak of nature..."
He looked away, out to the blue sky, and his thoughts seemed to wander away. Sai bit his lip. Nothing but a freak of nature? A slight tremor ran through him, and he could practically feel his scalp itching. Look at me! Look at my go! Can't you see it? Isn't it a little too precise how I always play the second best move? But his opponent laid yet another stone on the board, the look on his face almost bored.
Sai shot a guilty glance at his father. I'm sorry, he mouthed, though he knew his father didn't notice. He was some ten moku behind at the moment. Against an opponent of this quality it was much... but it was not hopeless. He was sure it was not hopeless. At the very least he could show this man what his go truly was like.
He played a stone. No one seemed to pay much attention to that first move, not his opponent nor their audience, but five moves later he noticed a change in them. He met his opponent's eyes across the board, and for the first time the man really looked at him. Sai suppressed the urge to smile. See?
After yet five more moves, his father got a coughing attack. Sai glanced at him and for a moment their eyes met. He winced a little at the look he got, but shook lightly his head. No. This was his game.
It turned into a fierce battle. Outwardly Sai remained quiet and calm, but inside he was rejoicing. Never mind the result - this was the best game he had ever played. Stone after stone they plunged deeper into the game, and every time he thought they possibly could not reach any higher level, a move from his opponent forced him to rethink everything once again.
In the end he won by two moku.
The audience was breathless. For a long moment no one said anything. Then the emperor's go tutor raised his gaze, and his eyes were dark.
"This... is not natural," he said slowly.
Sai looked at him, lips a little parted, suddenly all tense. "Did you not... enjoy the game?" he asked, very, very quietly.
His opponent stood up, sleeves swooshing. "This is not natural!" he repeated. He turned to the Middle Counselor. "I do not know what your son is, but this... this... no child can play like this!"
"Well, to be exact, he is not a child anymore..." the counselor tried to say, but no one was listening to him.
"He is right," one of the audience said, eyeing Sai warily. "This kind of game is impossible! And what... what is the matter with his hair?"
Sai raised a hand to his head, realizing his scalp was still itching. His hair, which should have been pulled tightly into the topknot, felt somehow loose. As he touched it by his left ear a part of it fell free and hang down over his shoulder, much longer than it had been in the morning.
The men stared at him, then at the counselor. "What is this creature you're trying to bring to the court?"
The Middle Counselor fell silent. He watched the board and the finished game, glanced at his son, and shook his head slightly. "I do not know," he said quietly. Then he looked at Sai. "Come. We're going."
"But..."
"Come, now!" He started walking away, and Sai had no choice but to follow.
They spent the way home in silence. As soon as she heard they were already back Sai's mother hurried to them.
"I do not know what this so-called son is that you bore for me," Sai's father exclaimed the moment he saw her. "But certainly none of mine!" He grasped angrily Sai's hat and pulled it off, and his wife let out a tiny gasp at the sight of the hair that cascaded freely over Sai's back.
"You can keep him," the Middle Counselor concluded darkly, turned on his heels, and left.
A long moment mother and son stared at each other. "I am sorry, mother," Sai whispered then. "I'm afraid I messed up everything."
She closed her eyes, shook her head, and pulled him into a tight hug.
After this unsuccessful visit at the palace they soon found their living at the capital quite restless. The Middle Counselor clearly had decided to have nothing to do with them anymore, and without his support they were quite on their own. The rumors were growing wilder all the time, and after someone had attempted to put their mansion on fire, Sai's mother decided it might be safer for them to leave the capital for a while. They packed their things and one early morning slipped quietly out of the city with only a few men as their entourage, heading to a temple where she had once been in retreat.
When they left the capital behind, Sai's feelings were quite mixed. He thought longingly of the house where he had grown up (though not so long ago he had dreamed of leaving it behind), wondered if he and his father ever could be reconciled. Even so, he was glad to finally get out, see the world. One capital, perhaps, was closed to them, but certainly rest of the world was much larger. His mother, though, seemed to take their voluntary exile quite heavily, and this saddened him.
They had traveled for a few days when one evening when they had just stopped for the night two men approached them. They were rather coarse and dirty, but as far as they caused no trouble Sai's mother decided it was best to be polite with them and hope they would continue their way soon. She told her servants to speak as little as possible with the men, and remained herself, keeping Sai with her, behind her covers.
In the night, a scream woke them up. Sai was the first on his feet, wide awake. He smelled something rusty in the air, and all his senses were warning him of danger. "Mother," he whispered as she sat up, clinging to her blanket, but fell then silent.
Two forms were rolling on the ground. There was flash of something bright, a gurgling sound, and that rusty smell got stronger. Sai glanced frantically around as one of the forms stood up. The other remained on the ground, unmoving. And a bit farther away he saw another lumped figure, sprawling on the ground... Of their other servants there was no sign, but soon a form appeared among the trees. For a moment Sai held his breath, hoping... but as the moon came out of the clouds he saw that the ones left standing were the two strangers.
He heard his mother let out a frightened gasp, and he swallowed. If all of their men were dead, how could he protect her? The men were already walking toward them. One of them reached his hand and pulled away the cover.
"Sorry to bother your sleep, ma'am," he said with a grin, "but there seems to be some bandits on the move. Bad night to sleep outside."
The other man chuckled, but frowned then looking at Sai. "The hell is this? Dressed like a man but looks like a girl. Which are you?" Sai's hair, the source behind his confusion, had just kept on growing and now it reached almost to his knees.
Sai took a deep breath, attempted to steady his voice. "We do not carry much with us," he said, taking a step so that he stood between his mother and the men. "You can take it all. Just leave my mother in peace."
"I asked what you are! Do we have to check?" The man reached his hand to grasp Sai, but at that instant his mother jumped to her feet.
"Do not touch my son!" she shrieked, pushing Sai aside.
The men laughed as she stood there, panting, facing them. "Son, is it? Are you sure? He's quite a looker. Then again, so are you."
He grasped her hair and pulled her closer. Sai plunged forward - "Mother!" - but the other man grasped him, holding him back. He could but watch as his mother struggled against the man's hold, attempted to bite his arm, and the man cursed, wrenching her head back, but still she fought back, twisting, trying to break free, and he pulled, sharply, and there was a quietest snap, and her body went limp in his hands.
The man cursed loudly and let her fall to the ground. "Stupid bitch!"
"What, you broke her neck? Idiot!" The other man practically threw Sai from his hands - the boy had gone almost as limp as his mother. He fell to his knees and crawled to her, breath stuck in his throat, hands reaching toward her but not daring to touch.
"Mother," he whispered, eyes staring at the awkward bend of her neck. "Mother..."
"Sorry 'bout that, kid," one of the men said. They were already going through their few possessions. "Her own fault, though."
Sai looked up. His eyes fixed on the men who were examining his mother's personal things, and slowly he stood up. Anger was swelling up in him, so great he thought he might explode with it. "Mother," he whispered one more time, eyes dark and wide, nostrils flared, and a shudder went through him. His hand rose up, to the fire pendant on his neck, and with one sharp move he tore it off for the first time since he had been a toddler.
As the pendant dropped to the ground from his fingers he felt the water around him, in him, in the land, in the air, in his mother's body on the ground... in the two men in front of him. He reached to it, called it like it used to call him, and suddenly first one of the men, then the other stumbled, gurgled, fell to the ground, water filling their lungs and mouths, making them drown on dry land.
Gasping for breath they glanced at the boy behind them, horror in their eyes. They tried to say something, shout, perhaps beg, but couldn't for the water pouring from their mouths and noses. One of them tried to ran but soon fell to the ground again, and after an endless period of thrashing and spluttering they finally lay still in the pools forming around them.
Sai stared at them long, unmoving, breathing heavily. Slowly his anger faded and his gaze moved to his mother. Tears filling his eyes he knelt beside her again, this time gathering her in his arms. A long while he stayed there, holding her in the quiet of the night. Then, without a glance at the dead bodies around him, he stood up, still holding her. Slowly he started to walk away.
His mother wasn't a big woman, but still she made a heavy burden for a boy like him. He didn't have long to go, though; he knew that. The water flowing in the ground guided him, and soon he arrived to a small lake, hidden among the trees. He knelt down by its shore, gently lowering his mother to the ground.
He knew the custom would be to cremate her, but he would not give his mother to fire. He looked around, gathered a few big stones and wrapped them into her clothes. After short hesitation he took off his own clothes. Then he took her in his arms again and walked into the water. When his feet didn't anymore reach the ground he swam, finding that movement more natural than walking had ever been, still holding on to her. Once he reached the deepest part of the lake he took one final look of her face and then let her fall. A while he still stayed floating quietly on the lake's surface, watching the trees, the pile of his clothes on the shore, the dark night sky, and then he dove into the water and let it all go.
