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It Takes Two (Pairs) to Rengo



“Are you going to be a major nuisance this time, too? You know, you don’t really have to do it.”

Ko felt her lips twist in a smile even before she turned to look at the person leaning against her hotel room door. And sure enough, there was the owner of the voice, frowning down at her from her considerable height, arms crossed, the trademark haircut and various buckles on her clothes unmistakably identifying Japan’s most recognizable female Go player.

“Why, hello to you, too, ” Ko flashed Yashiro her the best smile. “I’m delighted you’ve missed me enough to show up without any ceremonies on my doorstep.”

“See, you’re doing it already,” Yashiro said, completely unfazed. “You don’t really have to act like the world’s biggest jerk when you’re not actually one.”

The fact that Yashiro said it unironically was both sweet and troublesome. Yashiro’s brand of uncomplicated straightforwardness was cute, but Ko happened to enjoy being a jerk, thank you very much, and didn’t plan on stopping that any time soon.

“I’m probably not doing a good job if I’m not even fooling you with my act,” Ko said with fake thoughtfulness. “Next thing I know, Shindou will come knocking on my door singing kumbaya.”

“About that,” said Yashiro with an alarming expression of a person who thought things were going their way. “Why don’t you try to get along with him?”

“Why would I?” Ko asked sincerely. “Shindou’s fun enough to rile up, but he’s hard to put up with in his normal state, unless you’re Touya Akira. In which case, my condolences.”

Yashiro let out a sigh of someone who currently had to put up with a broad range of quirks exhibited by professional Go players.

“I get along with both of them just fine, and I can’t see why you don’t,” she said with a frown. “And I really don’t understand why both of you insist on making a ruckus on every international event – seriously, do you take some of pleasure in that?”

It took Ko a massive display of willpower not to nod at that.

“Go publications probably benefit from the attention,” she said flippantly, but Yashiro was having none of it. She unglued herself from the door and walked to where Ko was sitting.

“Please, can you just try? I would be really happy if my friends could get along,” she said earnestly, putting on hand on Ko’s shoulder. “And preferably not by making the headlines together,” she added, only half-joking.

Ko thought that for someone who looked like a mean punk rocker, Yashiro could be awfully cute. Awful puppy-like cuteness was Ko’s one and only weakness – even she was allowed one, after all – and right there and then she saw no reason why she shouldn’t indulge it.

“Fine,” she said generously. “Bring your loser friends here. If all else fails, we can at least play a game or two, even if they turn out to be abysmal at small talk.”

* * *

Shindou considered himself to be pretty brave, all things considered. Fate threw Heian ghosts, drastic life changes, early career choices and bearded men left and right in his path, and he calmly and bravely faced all of that – even the bearded men.

However, Shindou could admit his bravery wasn’t limitless, and that it probably stopped short somewhere close to the mysterious land marked as ‘girls’.

It was not as if Shindou had anything against girls, not at all. Besides their general benefits like the ability to remember stuff he couldn’t be bothered to, or to mysteriously procure food around their person, they could be pretty cool friends. He knew Akari since forever – since that day she offered him her sand bucket and he put it on her head (ah, good times), and Yashiro was pretty great, too. She dressed better than all of the Nihon Ki-in combined (excluding himself, because in no way was Shindou like those stuffy old men), played mean hands that made the said stuffy men clutch at their pearls, and could even beat Shindou at video games (sometimes, very rarely, really, maybe half of the time, but definitely not more).

But Shindou was aware of the universal truth that deep down inside, all girls were scary, because it was impossible to tell when they would have one of their ideas. The kind of terrible ideas that they believed were for your own good. You never knew when they would flip the switch that would turn your old friend into an unstoppable force of nature.

“Whaaat? To Ko’s room?! No way!” Shindou shook his head violently.

Yashiro wasn’t impressed.

“Shindou, stop freaking out. We’ll just hang out for a bit together, that’s all. What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid!” A tiny unimportant understatement. “I’m against it! Ko is a terrible person who says mean things, and I don’t know why I need to see more of her than I have to. And somehow she always makes it look I’m at fault! And for some reason, it always ends up in the newspapers – Touya even has the cutouts to prove it.”

Yashiro shot Touya a dubious look. He was sitting on Shindou’s bed laying down a game on a foldable goban and refusing to acknowledge that any part of the conversation had any relation to him. Touya had amazing skills at handling women, Shindou had to give him that.

“She is fun,” Yashiro said, turning back to Shindou. “You’ll like that.”

“Correction: she likes making fun of people, and I don’t like that at all.”

Yashiro crossed her arms and gave Shindou an ill-boding look.

“Shindou, if you don’t come to hang out with Ko, I’m not going to any more concerts with you, tours or no tours. You can try to persuade Touya to go with you to the next gig for all I care.”

Touya’s back immediately straightened.

“We accept Ko Yeong-ha’s invitation,” he said quickly.

“Traitor!” Shindou wailed. He knew it! Girls were terrible, terrible creatures who used every underhanded means at their disposal.

“I am not listening to your whining anymore, Shindou. We’re coming with Yashiro, and I think between us we’ll be able to keep you and Ko from any publicity stunts.” He gave Yashiro a mildly concerned look and added, “Probably.”

Terrible. Shindou was right to be afraid, it was self-preservation instincts talking, really. Those girls even lured Touya to the dark side, and he was now giving Shindou a look that promised violence at the prospect of the future where Shindou would attempt to sweet-talk Touya into going to a rock concert with him. (The first and – so far – the last time Touya went to one didn’t go too bad, in Shindou’s opinion. It was just that Touya was too fussy about things like stomping on shoes and blaring basses. He was probably secretly sixty-year-old or something.)

“Fine, I’ll go,” Shindou admitted grudgingly. “But you owe me for that.”

“Great! Thank you!” Yashiro looked disproportionally happy and leaned in to give him a rough hug. Shindou wasn’t very good with hugs and tried to telepathically convey that to Touya over Yashiro’s shoulder. Touya had the decency to look sympathetic but didn’t seem to be in any rush to intervene, but before Shindou had to detach Yashiro from himself, she remembered she was actually a cool person and moved away with a slight slap on his shoulder.

“Ko said there might be Korean snacks, too!” she said with a grin.

Well, at least they come with food, Shindou thought grudgingly.

* * *

Judging by the growing pile of empty Choco Pie wrappers, Shindou got over his reservations pretty fast, Ko thought. The evening wasn’t actually going too bad, even if she had to agree to the temporary ban of her all-time favourite Shindou activity of determining just how short his fuse was. Touya Akira turned out to be surprisingly capable of making small talk, even on subjects other than Go, Shindou was bearable when he kept his mouth otherwise occupied, and Yashiro- Yashiro’s grinning, animated face was well worth doing this, Ko thought.

When Ko’s sweets stash was completely depleted and Shindou started fidgeting around and invading Touya Akira’s private space in many inventive ways, she decided a change of pace was in order.

“Who’s up for a game?” she asked, setting down her custom-made foldable goban on the table. Judging by how Shindou’s fidgeting changed from alarming to almost human, the suggestion came at the right time.

“Hayago, hayago!” said Shindou enthusiastically, but before he could have everyone agree with him, Ko took the reins into her hands.

“There is an even number of players in the room,” she said. “Why don’t we play rengo?”

Judging by Yashiro and Shindou’s equally wide-eyed looks, they weren’t very familiar with pair Go. Or maybe they had never played it before? The thought was strange to anyone who studied under Korean Institute, which believed in using all the existing game forms and exercises for training its students, but Ko guessed things could be different for Japan.

However, she was obviously not the only person in the room who knew of pair Go, because it was Touya who spoke up next.

“I believe we even have the right number of women and men for a traditional game of rengo,” he said with a small cough. ”In a typical game, the players are paired up into teams of one man and one woman, and they each play a hand in turn.”

“Wait, am I reading this right? Four players, two teams, one board?” Shindou’s eyes lit up. Yashiro seemed very intrigued by the idea as well, and judging by the way she was chewing on her lower lip, already thinking through possible moves.

“Yes, exactly that,” Touya nodded and continued with a contemplative look. “But I think it would be more fair to pair up differently for this game, so that there is at least one person on each team with rengo experience.”

“I concur,” said Ko and immediately arranged the goke around the board so that it was clear who she was teaming up with. Yashiro rolled her eyes good-naturedly but didn’t object, and if Shindou’s slightly demented look was anything to judge by, he didn’t mind either.

“I like rengo because it test different strengths, builds different muscles, so to say,” Ko said, silently gesturing Touya to nigiri. “In any other game, you’re the chief-in-command, and your goal is clear. You set your stones as you would send your troop to battle. But in rengo, there are two of you who have the right to place stones, two generals that have to coordinate their movements without any messengers running between then, and unless you can read each other better than your opponent, you’re doomed to lose.”

Ko smiled with aniticipation. She was rather looking forward to this game herself.

The opening hands of the game established that Yashiro heard her message and was willing to hold back with her notoriously reckless plays in favour of extending and strengthening the hands Ko played. It was the objectively the best bet Yashiro could have made and at the same time a gesture of good will, which warmed Ko’s heart – after all, Yashiro was known for plays that were the opposite of conventional. With this stance, they had a pretty good chance of winning, especially if their opponents got bogged down in the struggle for leading the game.

If she was honest with herself, Ko would have to admit she was intrigued. She had played both Shindou and Touya in a number of international tournaments, and she had read enough of their kifu to know that while equally devoted to the game, they could not have been more different as players. Where Shindou was all tricks and sleights of hand, a player who read so far into the game that he ended up losing some of his matches only because he got distracted by winning some alternate version of them in his head (a habit which Ko personally found tremendously annoying), Touya wielded the knowledge of what seemed to be all existing Go forms like war machinery perfectly attuned to his needs (which got a reluctant pass in Ko’s books, mostly because it was hard to deny Touya’s efficiency).

And even without Yashiro’s anecdotes about her friends Ko was informed that the rivalry between the two of them was something of a national pride in Nihon Ki-in. It was either sink or swim.

* * *

It was fun, fun, fun. It was so much fun that Shindou wanted to shout at Touya why they had never played rengo before. He would have, too, if he hadn’t been too busy thinking through a move that was very likely to get Touya shouting at him in a hand or two.

Yashiro and Ko made a very good team, he saw that. It was pretty clear by early chuuban that their strategy had secured them two corners and a good chunk of the center, which would have been very hard to beat even in a regular game.

But this wasn’t any regular game. Touya, as was expected of him, had unmistakably identified the weakest point in their opponents’ defense, and set up at attack that could have lessened their position in the center of the board by half.

Could have, but would not.

Shindou grinned and slammed his stone down in what looked a lot like move that would send Touya yelling pretty soon. Let him think about that.

* * *

Ko would have understood if Touya had screamed at what had to be the world’s most dickish move ever played in rengo, but it not being her place to worry, Ko just played a hand that sealed the white’s dominance on half of the board.

Touya, to his credit, had not screamed, even if his hand tightened around the edge of the goke.

Yashiro was openly frowning at the offensive stone and at Shindou himself, who was visibly struggling but failing to suppress a smile. Ko was running through possible scenarios where Shindou’s last hand meant anything other than undermining Touya’s offense, but was coming up short.

After a long silence, Touya smiled a thin-lipped smile and put down a stone that almost made Ko scream in frustration. It was a terrible move, it made no sense, it added neither to their offense or defense, but Shindou looked like it was Christmas come early. Touya huffed and quirked an eyebrow in response.

Ko peered into the board once again. It made no sense if their aim was to advance their position in the game, but at the same time, it definitely wasn’t miscommunication on their part. Then what was it?

In the next several hands, the game steadied and the black stones had strengthened their position by effectively eating into one of the white’s corners. The battle for the corner was an unexpectedly tenacious one, and Ko was getting more and more glad by the minute that Yashiro was reliably backing her up, because the attack was surprisingly vicious for a territory so small. Just as she was thinking of putting an end this the battle and moving on a different part of the board on her next turn, Touya played a completely nonsensical move that had Shindou glaring at him angrily, and in two more moves, had Ko frantically counting the cost of abandoning their second corner without a fight and concentrating on expanding from the center instead.

And then, with the opponents’ next incomprehensible move, it occurred to her. And judging by Yashiro’s exasperated sigh, she had the same idea.

Their opponents were laying out traps for each other. Avoiding the trap was earning the other one’s agreement to continue with the chosen line of strategy.

It was ridiculous. It was unnecessarily complicated. And most annoyingly, it worked.

Almost worked, amended Ko, watching with satisfaction as Yashiro slammed down a stone for her next move.



* * *

“I thought the evening went well,” said Shindou, stretching his arms as they walked back to their hotel rooms.

“We lost, Shindou,” said Touya.

“If you hadn’t taken two stones to clear out the last trap, we could have made it!”

“If you didn’t drag that one into early endgame, we could have made it with better odds.”

“It wouldn’t have been fun.”

“It was an interesting challenge,” admitted Touya.

“I guess Ko’s not too bad, either,” Shindou added as an afterthought. “I guess we can hang out with her sometimes. Especially if she brings more of those snacks.”

* * *

Back in Ko’s room, Yashiro profusely apologized on behalf of her ‘mostly well-meaning but sometimes a bit tactless’ friends.

Ko generously accepted all apologies and said that she didn’t mind, and made a mental note to send a copy of the game’s kifu to her reporter friend. After all, some traditions were worth keeping up.

[Sanno]

Sep. 20th, 2014 10:41 am
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When I Was Your Age


Akira started playing when she was two and her chubby fingers sometimes scattered the go pieces. Her father would chuckle and Akira’s ears would burn as she tried to sit up straighter even though she much preferred to squat. “Like this,” her father had said, guiding her hand so she would place the pieces strongly and decisively on the go board. He taught her like he would have taught a son. Akira would watch his hand and she would shake, her bangs quivering when her father placed a piece. But her eyes never left the go board and so her father continued to teach her.

-

They didn’t see many girls in the go salon. So when she – with her bleached bangs and her trendy clothes, even more unusual – entered, the whole go salon paused for a second. The girl stilled for a second, and then she screwed up her face and walked over to the counter. She smiled at Harumi, leaned on the counter, and said she wanted to play. Harumi seemed to stifle a laugh. Her gaze drifted over the salon and Akira sat up straighter when it settled on her. Harumi was always talking about how Akira needed friends her own age, not a bunch of retired men.

“How do you feel about playing Akira?” Harumi asked warmly. Akira wandered over and suppressed a snort when the girl seemed ready to dismiss her, but the girl shrugged, as if ignoring an internal argument.

“Sure,” she said. “Do they make you wear those terrible clothes?” She said, as they walked through the go salon, to one of Akira’s favourite go boards.

Akira looked down and didn’t understand. She thought the other girl was dressed obnoxiously bright.

“Nice to see a girl here. These places seem full of old men,” the girl whispered, her voice way too loud for a quiet go salon. A couple of the regulars spluttered. The go salon was soon filled with muttering; about how glad they would be when Akira would be beat that girl punk.

It didn’t quite work that way. Akira didn’t have high hopes, not with the way the girl was placing the stones, as if she only half knew they were supposed to go there. But then. Akira leaned back.

Akira was twelve when Hikaru beat her. She stared across the go board, shocked. Because Hikaru didn’t fit in here, with her bleached bangs and very casual clothes, she stuck out like a sore thumb where the average age was closer to sixty. She then left and Akira was left facing a go board that showed her defeat, but didn’t show how Hikaru, of all people, had beaten her.

It started an obsession, something even Akira could admit.

-

As a rule, Akira didn’t enter competitions. Not against children.

She had been six and she had already been escorted by her father several times to the Go Institute to watch him play. It was fascinating and Akira had wanted to play. The only people she usually played with were her father’s students. And they smiled at her, patting her on the head, saying what a pretty girl she was, what a wonderful wife she would make, especially for a go master.

They offered to play her and her father had nodded. Then they had seemed unnerved by her intensity, how she had placed the stones with a sure and practiced air. At six, she usually didn’t beat them, not unless they had made some truly fatal errors at the beginning. But.

“They fear what you could become, especially for a girl,” her mother had whispered in her air. Her mother had taken her hand and led her to her bedroom. There she had tucked Akira into bed, smoothing her bangs and pressed a kiss against the soft skin of her forehead. “You’re already strong, who knows what you’ll be at fifteen? Twenty five?”

Akira had wrinkled her nose, because that was terribly old. Her mother’s laugh was gentle and musical. She hummed an old song and Akira fell to sleep dreaming of go boards and victory.

The next day her father had quietly told her she would crush the children, the boys, because she was too strong. Akira had continued to eat her breakfast for a few minutes before nodding.

“But I can still play here, right?” Because most of all Akira wanted to play.

Her father smiled.

-

The girl was going to be there. Akira was almost jittery from excitement and it was only her mother’s quiet voice in her head that stopped her from storming over to her, shaking her and demanding a rematch. Akira had dignity, but she also wanted to play her. So she begged, she cajoled. The teacher, who she could easily beat, had nodded finally. She was going to be playing Hikaru in the third round.

When she played the girl – it wasn’t the same. At first Akira had marvelled at Hikaru’s smooth playing, but then half way through the game, something changed. Akira bit her lip, fighting back anger and tears, because she had always listened to her father and thought maybe this girl could help her find the Hand of God. But now the girl was playing clumsily, not at all like someone who had beaten Akira. In the end the girl resigned, her blonde bangs moving to cover half her face.

“You didn’t play like this before,” Akira murmured. Hikaru started and looked at her with wide eyes. Hikaru looked she was going to say something before she ducked her head and bit her lip. She was rather pretty, Akira thought, even with the blonde hair. Akira looked away, her nails digging into her thighs.

And so she became a professional. Playing in a middle school go club was - was for children.

-

And then Hikaru became a professional. She was grinning, bangs freshly bleached, on the cover. She was brighter than Waya and Ochi, even though Akira should have been looking at Ochi as his former tutor. She could only imagine some of the more conservative go players, shaking their head at this new wave of go professionals. Akira had moved smoothly into their world, at least as smoothly as a woman could. The old men of the go world had huffed heavily. The younger go professionals had all heard of her, of course. Many of them had already played her and they resigned with more good humor.

She knew how to sit, knew the procedures because she had lived and breathed go since she was a child. Hikaru wasn’t going to be wave, Akira thought, she had the potential to be a tsunami.

Later, at her father’s home, it was a regular study night. Akira was distracted, thinking of playing Hikaru professionally.

Ogata made unsavory remarks. It was something that Akira usually ignored entirely, that she didn’t even blink when he made a comment about Hikaru. Then the actual words hit her and Akira frowned. Ogata seemed amused, his eyes hooded.

“You won’t speak about her that way,” Akira said and her words rang out. She stood up, smoothing her skirt and stared imperiously down at Ogata. She didn’t know where she was getting this courage.

She left the room, grateful that hadn’t been in the middle of a game. Her mother’s gaze followed her up the stairs. But it was her father, hours later, who entered her room and sank with a sigh to her desk chair. He sounded old and Akira’s stomach clenched unpleasantly. He didn’t say anything and he didn’t need to, because Akira was speaking.

“Do you think you’ll find it one day?” Akira asked. “The Hand of God.”

“One day,” her father said easily, as if he hadn’t been playing for decades, searching for it. Her father stood up and brushed her hair away from her face. Akira blushed, feeling like she was a little girl again.

“Father,” she started, fidgeting away.

“One day,” he said, patting her on shoulder. “I’ll see the Hand of God.”

-

Hikaru smiled at Akira. Akira had heard of her return. But it wasn’t the same as playing her.They started their game and it didn’t feel like the Hand of God. But it did feel like the beginning, silver turning to gold. The game went faster. Akira’s breath caught in her throat.

She might not win this; she wanted to win this that was the thrill of playing Hikaru.

Akira smiled, just for a second. Hikaru saw it.
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Half Moon


Visiting a prostitute was not something Hikaru had ever done before or had even contemplated doing, but that afternoon, he and Isumi weren't really going for the usual things a prostitute does, no they had come to play go, which was a hobby for this particular prostitute. For Hikaru and Isumi playing go was their work but on occasion, if the prospected opponent was really good, they would themselves pay (if only for the refreshments and location hire) to play. It was just a first time thing for Hikaru that the location of this particular game was a bordello and the opponent a prostitute.

For Isumi this was his second visit, and it had been Isumi who had talked Hikaru into coming along that day, assuring him that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to and besides they were only going to be playing go and nothing else, so Hikaru needn't worry.

Of course Hikaru really wasn't worried about what it was prostitutes did or didn't do. Nor would Isumi had been so worried on Hikaru's behalf if he'd have known his friend a little better than he thought he did. You see, Hikaru did 'discrete' really well. And this was a very good thing because he liked sex a lot and had slept with a lot of people both Hikaru and Isumi knew well. Hikaru's discretion kept Isumi from finding out a whole bunch of things he was better of not knowing about his current girlfriend (and the last one, and the one before that, incidentally). Isumi, Hikaru knew, was the straight laced sort and Hikaru didn't see a point in needlessly upsetting his friend. Because while Hikaru loved sex in all its forms, he wasn't ready to commit and he had always been up front about that with all his partners and, except for a few unfortunate instances, most of his partners had accepted that. And so at 19 Hikaru was a successful and unhatched go pro and he was looking forward to his very first visit to an actual brothel.

S$S$S

The start of the visit was somewhat disappointing. After having turned from the brightly lit main street of Tokyo's red light district into a rather dingy alleyway, Isumi knocked on a dark wooden door that looked like any other door in the alleyway; decapitated and uninviting. The knock was answered with an elderly sounding female asking who was there. Isumi said his name and added Hikaru simply as 'and friend'.

The door creaked open and they were let into a dark anteroom where both of them took off their footwear and put on the slippers the older lady pointed them to. She was maybe in her sixties and wearing a fairly formal version of traditional kimono, as far a Hikaru could tell. She was well groomed and her actions radiated tradition, but while she smiled in a very polite way as she bade her guests to follow her, Hikaru detected a very hard glint in the lady's eyes; it said 'don't mess with me'.

Hikaru had no intention of messing with anyone, so he didn't feel threatened but the lady, and he followed after Isumi who followed the lady down the narrow corridor that led off the anteroom. The floors were covered in traditional matting and wall on either side were made of large dark wooden panels, the kind that also slid apart and functioned as doors and room dividers. They turned a corner to the left and then later a corner to the right after which the lady stopped, knelt down near the left wall, facing her guest, slid open the panel right next to her, bowed and bad them enter.

There was artificial light coming from the room, lighting up the corridor as Isumi first entered and Hikaru followed. Once they were both inside, the door behind them slid closed; the lady had shut herself out of the room. Hikaru let his eyes quickly scan the new space; moderate sided room with tatami mats on the floors, dark wood on the walls, with some scrolls - one of a bamboo shoot in bloom and one of a bird in the light of a half moon - and one display of ornate fans and another of a beautiful purple kimono, hung out to best effect. The room was lit by two lampoon like lanterns hanging from the dark ceiling. Presently Hikaru's eyes fell on the only other occupant of the room, who was bowing to them in welcome. And Hikaru couldn't help but stare.

The prostitute was beautiful. A slender face and physique, near purple irises in almond shaped eyes, pinkish red lips on a dainty mouth, long straight natural looking hair that seemed to go on forever behind her back, Hikaru was sure that the hair would still touch the floor when the lady would be standing up straight. Hikaru was mesmerized. And intrigued, because he had also noticed that the lady wasn't wearing what Hikaru would have expected a traditional Japanese lady of the night to wear. She looked more like she's just come out of a bath; hair still damp, wearing a cotton jukata (a very nice jukata to be sure, printed with at least 5 different colors, but still only a jukata). She wore no make-up, traditional or otherwise, her feet were bare (Hikaru could just see them tucked under her bottom as she sat in seiza behind a rather plain goban but one that did have legs). No, all in all this lady looked like some one who was at leisure, not at work. And suddenly it struck Hikaru that he'd been thinking of her as at work because Isumi was paying for this game, and now he saw her in a new light; that of a fellow go lover.

Hikaru and Isumi sat down after the lady had indicated they should. Isumi sat in the seat set out for the lady's opponent of the day and Hikaru took the cushion at Isumi's right hand.

"Welcome good sirs, my name is Fujiwara Sai, how do you do," the lady said and bowed. And Hikaru did a classic double take; that voice did not belong to a female. Hikaru found he had to blink a couple of times to get his brains in gear but Isumi's response to the 'lady's' opening gave him a few moments he needed to collect himself. That lady was no female.

S$S$S

After Hikaru had fumbled through his own self introduction and formal greeting and Isumi and the 'lady' had started to game, Hikaru got his chance to sit back and observe the game and - now that this Fujiwara turned out to be something unexpected - the players too.

The first handful of moves Hikaru followed only peripherally; most games start with a bit of territory claiming mixed with some feeling out of the opponents strengths and weaknesses. All interesting enough but also familiar enough so Hikaru, who was not actually playing, could ponder other matters. Like the matter of this Fujiwara person.

Now that Hikaru had heard Fujiwara speak, he could see that Fujiwara was more of an androgynous creature than he first had thought. Hikaru concluded that it was the way Fujiwara was dressed had thrown him off; the jukata was worn in the female style, with an overlap of material at the waist and a colorful wide obi with a large feminine bow at the back. A man would have omitted the overlap and would have worn a narrow obi with a stylized knot at the right hip. Also the way Fujiwara held herself, himself? Demure and ladylike, eager to please and also shy. But maybe all these behaviors, and the dress style, were part of being a prostitute, no matter what gender. Maybe even definitely all part of that.

Hmm, Hikaru thought, Fujiwara is certainly intriguing. The question is do I want to know more?

Hikaru's thought was interrupted by a move that Fujiwara made and that had Isumi visibly sit up and take notice. He let his thought go, promising himself some more pondering time later as he too put his full mind on the game; that move looked pretty bold from where he was sitting.

S$S$S

Fujiwara turned out to be an excellent opponent, keeping Isumi on his toes for the full two hours the game lasted. Hikaru had found only a little time to do any thinking at all on matter other than go, and most of it had been during the bladder induced break he was forced to take after an hour and a half of sitting and guzzling tea. It was when he ran into the proprietress along the way that he did his very rash thing. And on the way back he kept asking himself what ever had gotten over him and when he re-entered the game room and saw Fujiwara elegantly place a stone on the goban, a closed fan sitting to his/her lips while she/he concentrated, that Hikaru remembered exactly why he'd done it; this was certainly going to be an interesting night!

S$S$S

Sai always delighted in having a strong opponent to play and Isumi-san was a skillful player. Indeed playing such an accomplished player is likely to be the high point of this day, Sai thought to himself as he thanked Isumi-san for the wonderful challenge. After this serious player (Sai had privately nicknamed him Mr. Serious) and his good looking friend left, the evening would start and evenings never brought anything good, Sai had found.

Sai bowed his farewells and he expected Mr. Serious and he-who-shines-brightly (Sai's private name for Shindou-san, Isumi-san's companion) to leave quickly. Most of Sai's go challengers did, and Sai couldn't blame them, after all who'd want to be around a person like him? But as Sai came up from his bow, he realized the bright one was still sitting there.

"Shindou-san," he started tentatively, letting his tone go up into a question mark.

"I, uh," the bright one started, rubbing his palm along the top of his thigh in what Sai assumed was a nervous gesture. "I seemed to have acquired your services tonight," he continued.

"You have?" Sai was mortified, he sounded like he was questioning a person who now turned out to be a paying customer; it was the height of rudeness! He quickly tried to cover up his faux pas by bending his head down, opening his fan and hiding behind it. He chided himself. How many times did Mama-san have to pound it into his stupid head; the customer is always right!

"Uh, yeah, it seems so," came the youthful voice of the young man.

At his hesitant tone, Sai dared to look up from behind his fan. The bright one didn't appear to be angry, in fact his was smiling shyly at Sai and Sai found himself smiling back and lowering the fan from his face. Maybe this evening was going to different.

S$S$S

"So," the bright one said, "now that I have you all to myself." He paused, catching Sai's eye and giving an theatrical wink. "I first want to know your first name, and then I want to play you at go."

He wants to play, Sai thought, but... "My given name is Sai, and-and I would love to play you but, are you sure? I mean, an hour is not very long and if you also want..." Here Sai ran out of words; even with the job he did he still couldn't talk about, well, that.

"An hour? We have plenty of time; I paid for the night, see?" the bright one said.

Sai was startled; the whole night? It was unheard of. Maybe... "But Shindou-san, did you not know it is customary, in my metier, to be paid for by the hour? Did Mama-san not explain that?"

The bight one shrugged his shoulders at what Sai had said. "The proprietress explained nothing about anything and this is my first time in a place like this anyway," he said and Sai's heart sank. When this nice young man realized how badly he's cheated off by Mama-san, Sai was well aware that however nice the young man sounded just now, he might still take it out on him, just to get his money's worth. It had happened before.

"But," Shindou-san said, "I wanted to have a nice long game first so paying for an hour would never have suited, in any case." The ice that had threatened to take over Sai's heart faded when Shindou-san shifted around 'til he was sitting tailor fashion, scratching the back of his head, and added "And call me Hikaru." And Sai found himself smiling back at Hikaru-sama's grin.

S$S$S

The bright one was a totally different type of player than his friend, Sai was delighted to find. Where Mr. Serious was cautious the bright one was bold and he would attack more often than defend. But for all Shindou-san's bravado, he was still a deeply thinking player and not to be underestimated. Sai enjoyed every move in their sparring, and he did his best to draw out every facet of the bright one's game. Who knew if Sai would ever have that chance to play this opponent again? In all likelihood he'd never see the young man again after this night. Very few ever returned for a second nightly visit and of those few that did, Sai prayed most of them would stay away instead. But, Sai reminded himself, he was playing a great game now and he should not contaminated the experience with gloomy thoughts of things that could not be changed.

S$S$S

This Fujiwara Sai was a very strong opponent, Hikaru realized pretty quickly. Of course he'd known that from witnessing Isumi getting clobbered by the guy, but it was still different to be experiencing the clobbering for oneself. Sai was fucking strong. And Hikaru couldn't help but admiring that strength. This guy could give Touya a run for his money!

The game ended very predictably with a loss for Hikaru. Less predictably was the fact that Hikaru lost by only one half moku; Hikaru had been thinking he was going to go down by at least 10 moku. But a loss is a loss and and Hikaru was about to suggest best two out of three when the sliding door opened and a little girl in a red silk kimono daintily glided in baring a tray of food. And before Hikaru could ask for his second game, Sai had efficiently tidied away the goban and goke to make room for the tray and the second tray with tea and warmed sake on it that the girl brought next. Before the little girl left she walked over to Sai and whispered something in his ear. She didn't even have to bend down; she was just the right height for reaching the prostitute's ear while Sai sat and she stood, she was that small. She quickly left.

"Ah, it's diner time," Sai said and Hikaru quickly glanced at his watch: 6:55 pm. "You can eat and while I'll prepare for

the evening," Sai added.

Hikaru's tummy didn't mind the interruption; it hadn't been fed since 2 pm. But his mind did; he really did want that second game, and his body, most notably his lower regions, had plans of its own and they definitely included two people being present, not himself scoffing dinner all alone. "Prepare? For what?" he asked, slightly worried what this prepping would be in aid of.

Sai looked startled, again startled, Hikaru was starting to feel he was seriously out of his depth in this world of prostitutes; he seemed to be saying or doing the wrong thing every time he opened his mouth!

"Uh, I need to change," Sai explained, his tone held patience. The kind of patience a kindergarten teacher has with a particular stupid 5 year old. Hikaru, when will you learn to keep your trap shut?

But Hikaru found he couldn't leave Sai's answer alone. He just didn't see why the prostitute had to chance; he looked lovely the way he was, barefoot in that mulch-colored jukata. So he asked why.

"So I can be a worthy host," Sai said. Hikaru's eyes followed the man as he got up gracefully, moved to one of the wall (and yes, the long hair did sweep across the tatami mats behind him as he walked) where he slid back a panel revealing a dark closet from which he retrieved a sizable photo book. He closed the closet and brought to book over to Hikaru, laying it with the right side up for Hikaru to open. Sai folded his legs under himself to sit across from the book, elegantly opening it so Hikaru could view the content.

The fist two pictures were only recognized by HIkaru as depicting Sai at a closer look, because Sai's face was made up as a Maiko, a Geisha student. He was dressed as a Maiko too. An ornate red kimono sat low on his shoulders, showing off a lot of bare neck, which traditionally is considered an erotic look. The kimono was tied at the front with a green obi-sash with gold embroidery on it. The pictures were obviously from a professional shoot; well lit and with a dark blue back-drop, one showing the whole person while the other was a close-up of the face. Hikaru could appreciate the esthetics of the photos, but not so much the content; too garish.

"I can be a Geisha, if you like or," Sai turned the heavy page revealing another set of pro-pictures with Sai kneeling, dressed in a pastel colored costume the like Hikaru had seen once in a No play, against a white background. Again it was a set of two pictures, one an overall shot, the other a close-up. The lighting and backdrop made Sai's shiny black hair stand out as it fanned behind him, as he posed in a submissive pose of a woman of whatever period No theater got their costumes from. Sai's face was made up in white again, lips blood red, stylized black eyebrows painted high on his forehead, and Hikaru found he didn't like this anymore than he had the first pictures.

"A lady of the Heian court, my specialty. Or," Sai continued, turning the page, "I can be more modern."

The newest pictures depicted Sai in a Lolita type dress on the one page, complete with pigtails, ultra short frilly pink skirt, garters and matching pink Mary-janes, and on the other page Sai wore are a very revealing electric blue evening gown and way too much make-up.

When Sai leaned forward again, presumably to turn the page again, Hikaru quickly closed the book and said, "That's all very, uh, lovely, but not what I want."

Again that startled look appeared on Sai's face and Hikaru couldn't help thinking, oh crap, I said something wrong again. But then the look passed and Sai's face mellowed, even took on a knowing look. And Hikaru waited what would happen next.

Sai rose up elegantly, stood regal before Hikaru, who incidentally was feeling like a total peasant in comparison, what with the way he was sitting cross legged in his favorite dungarees and faded T-shirt.

"If those do not please," Sai said, his hands going behind him. "Then maybe you would see me without any adornments," he continued pulling on one of the ends of his sash, releasing the bow at the back of his jukata.

Hikaru didn't know how fast he got to his feet, all he knew was that he caught the hands before the jukata came undone. It was not that he didn't want to see Sai naked, he did, but, "that is for me to do," he said, releasing one of the prostitute's pale hands; he didn't want to come across as bullying.

They stood still for a moment, and then the prostitute lowered his head in submission and Hikaru was cheering inside; this would go the way he wanted, nice and slow. He made them stand a long moment longer, as he took a good look at his companion for the night.

That Sai was beautiful Hikaru had seen the moment he'd walked into the room that afternoon. But now he had the chance to studied Sai more in detail, and he was determined to take his time. Sai was taller that Hikaru. Nothing earth shattering there; most males were taller than Hikaru and Hikaru was very much used to that annoying facet of his life. Some of his would-be lovers had tried to cast him in a certain role because of his (lack of) height but Hikaru had never catered to that, nor was he ever planing to. Such pre-deciding of sexual roles based on what amounted to irrelevant physical facts was something he hated. He'd much rather discover what sex between two people would be like on a case by case basis. And, in all his escapades, he'd found that as each person he'd been with was different, the sexual act with any person was different from any other sex he'd had with any other person. And now he was looking forward to 'learn' to have sex with this unique person called Fujiwara Sai.

He gently pulled Sai down with him as he sat back down. Sai let himself be pulled and ended up sitting quite close to Hikaru, his legs shifted out from under him, so he leaned into Hikaru's side and had to keep his balance with one hand to the tatami mat. Hikaru had done his best to keep the jukata on the prostitute, so he'd not be distracted from the next step of the night; the getting to know each other. (And the eating, as Hikaru's stomach reminded him embarrassingly loudly)

S$S$S

The brothel's dinner fare was actually quite good, Hikaru found to his surprise. He explained it to himself as maybe being part of the feel good experience that a visit to a high class prostitute should probably be. But of course he had no frame of reference as this was his first time. So anyway, the food was good. It was served with sake, of course, but Hikaru turned the alcoholic drink down for two reasons. One, after seeing what booze did to Ogata-sensei when Hikaru had only been 12 years old, Hikaru had acquired a distaste for drunks. And two, he wanted to keep a clear head so he could enjoy the night to the fullest. (And incidentally be able to get home safely when he was going to be leaving the district in the middle of the night.)

If Sai thought Hikaru's refusing the sake was strange, he didn't show it in any way. Hikaru did note that the prostitute stuck to drinking tea himself, now sharing his pot with Hikaru (who was forced to drink the tea even though it was not his favorite; he was more the soda type).

Over dinner they talked go. First they reviewed the game they had just played and then, when the food was nearly all gone, they talked about Isumi's game against Sai of earlier that day. It was interesting to hear Sai's thoughts on Hikaru's friend's go-playing style. Sai had seen things Hikaru had also noticed as he'd played Isumi in the past, but he'd seen it in just playing the guy twice. And he had noticed a lot more besides, that, now Sai mentioned them, Hikaru very much recognized. Hikaru's respect for Sai's go skills rose by the second over dinner, and he was having a great time with the enigmatic prostitute.

S$S$S

Well after all the food and tea was gone, the door slid open again and the little girl busied herself taking the ravages away. As Hikaru was still talking go with Sai, from the corner of Hikaru's eye he saw the little girl first bring in a covered tray and then a folded futon, almost twice her size. Hikaru quickly intercepted her, taking her too large burden off her and putting it on the floor.

"Thanks, that's enough," he said not unkindly to the startled girl. Next to him Sai nodded to her and the girl quickly moved to the open door, turning to the room's occupants to bow briefly before turning again to leave.

Just as Sai was moving from next to him to get up, Hikaru caught a wrist and stopped him. The prostitute turned his wide eyes on him in a question. Hikaru was pleased to see that that extreme startled-ness he'd seen in those deep purple eyes before was absent this time.

"Hikaru-sama, don't you want me to make the bed?" Sai asked him.

"I do," he said, "but later. First," he gently tugged on Sai's arm. "First I want to kiss you."

S$S$S

Sai's client just kept doing things so differently from what Sai from what he was used to, from how things were done. First it turns out Shindou-san had payed for the whole night, then he wanted to play go instead of wanting to do the usual first. Then he didn't want Sai to change and wear something suitable, then they share the dinner and the bright one talked more go. And afterward, when Momoko came in with a very unsubtle hint of what would ordinarily happen next, Hikaru-sama wanted to kiss him.

Sai had tried to comply with the bright one's odd wishes as best he could. In truth Sai didn't like the dressing up or any other part of his job, so playing go and having good dinner conversation instead was like a dream come true. But he was under no illusion as to how the evening would proceed, that was his job after all, and HIkaru-sama had more than paid for the service. So Sai had resigned himself to having to do it. But then the confounding man stopped Sai from preparing the bed and demanded they kiss.

It put Sai completely out of his depth; for all the nature of his job, a kiss was the one thing no-one had ever wanted from him. Sai was well aware he had only very few skills and some were even using his mouth. But kissing, he knew, was a very intimate act, definitely the thing the one thing a client coming to see a prostitute would NOT be looking for. Physical pleasure, certainly. The thrill of experiencing something out of the ordinary, definitely. But real intimacy? No. That was what you had with an equal, a true lover, not a paid companion.

But on the other hand, Mama-san insisted that the customer was always right, and if that was true when the circumstances were bad than it was also true when they were favorable. So if Hikaru-sama wanted to kiss him, Sai would let himself be kissed. But he fervently hoped that the bright one knew how, because Sai had no clue!

S$S$S

Kissing Sai was interesting. Upon reflection Hikaru should have realized that kissing would probably not be something the prostitute did much. Traditional Japanese sexual intimacy didn't have the act of kissing, it was introduced by the Americans (and their movies) in the 1940s.

But Hikaru was a big fan of kissing and so, the moment he realized Sai had not much experience with it, Hikaru slowed the act down, letting his companion catch up. He found Sai very responsive, sensitive to every move of their mouths upon each other, and very unsure of himself. When Hikaru deepened the kiss, he felt Sai tremble in his arms for a moment and then go nearly limp, leaving himself open for whatever Hikaru chose to do next. It was like a sweet surrender, that sent hot shivers of lust up his spine.

He continued to kiss as he eased his companion on his back, onto the still folded futon, so Hikaru could lean over and have all the control he wanted at that moment. The kiss continued, each catching a breath here and there, where able to, with Sai clutching at Hikaru's T-shirt at the shoulders, giving Hikaru the freedom to slip both his hands inside the V of Sai's jukata, opening it up to reveal a pale heaving chest with nipples already standing up and hard.

Hikaru moved his mouth away from the tantalizing ruby red lips, leaving Sai gasping for breath while Hikaru explored his companion's long neck, trailing down towards his chest as he opened more of the jukata on the way lower down. As he laved the sensitive nipples with his tongue, making Sai make to most delightful squeals and moans, his hands found the outline in the jukata material of his companion's penis. It was soft still, but Hikaru pulled the cloth away, determined to change that state.

With none of Hikaru's lovers sex had been the same. Nor had their bodies been similar, except in the most basic way that all man have certain assets and women have a different standard set of assets. But once you had a person naked, it was all new territory open to exploration. Hikaru delighted in finding those places that excited his lover, and those actions that would put his lover on fire. Sometimes, using the direct approach worked very well; with men especially. Sometimes it took a while for the lover to run hot. And sometimes a lover would respond quickly one day and very slowly the next. Never the same. And never dull.

So the fact that Sai wasn't hard yet, even after all that moaning, didn't phase Hikaru one bit. He just redoubled his efforts on his companion's nipples and carefully (and blindly) extracted the soft penis from the clothing and palmed it, stroking softly. Some men's penises were sensitive and Hikaru wanted to feel out what would be good for his newest lover. As he stroked he realized the organ was smallish. Again no cause for concern, some people were showers and others growers, and Sai might well be the latter.

Sai was very sensitive though, Hikaru found; too sensitive for Hikaru's course hands. Some sort of lotion would be good right now, he thought as he lifted his head up a little to look around for inspiration. Then he saw the covered tray. He quickly transferred all his weight onto the hand that he had put next to Sai's hips so as to not squash his companion, reached out with the other, the one that had been exploring the most, to pull the cloth cover off the tray, revealing exactly what he had hoped: a tube of lubricant. He even recognized the brand; the better stuff.

He quickly snagged it and found it had already been opened. He squeezed the tube, putting a dollop on Sai's twitching stomach, then he dropped it unceremoniously next to Sai's hip, scooped up most of cream onto his fingers and brought it down to coat the soft penis. As the cold lube touched Sai so intimately, the man actually squawked and Hikaru leaned back over so he could distract his companion with more nipple play.

Hikaru always made it point to get his lover off first before he did himself. The kick it gave him to see how much power he had was almost addictive and watching his lovers turn to goo in his arms was so exhilarating he'd found it heightened his own pleasure. And he was getting plenty of pleasure from hearing the prostitute moan and see him writhe in ecstacy. The only thing was that his companion still wasn't fully hard, for all his writhing and moaning.

Hikaru redoubled his efforts, letting his hand find the more pleasurable places down below, while he alternately kissed and nibbled the sensitive nipples. He knew some men were particularly sensitive around their balls and so he gently palmed them. The were soft and a bit small, and Hikaru felt that rolling them around in his hand did not seem to heighten Sai's pleasure, so he let go of them and moved lower. With some men, the space just behind their penis was an erogenous zone, so Hikaru moved his fingers there, so he could stroke the area and see what response it would yield.

His fingers looked for the flat area but then Hikaru stopped. What he'd touched was not flat. Nor was it dry. It was almost as if... Hikaru sat up, pulling his head way from his companion's chest, so he could take a look. He was now sitting between Sai's legs while the prostitute was lying back, part of his lower half still covered by the jukata.

"What...?" Sai asked, looking quite flushed as he tried to raise his head. But Hikaru wasn't listening. He had to know what he had felt, so he carefully drew the jukata out of the way.

S$S$S

Sai frowned at the look on the bright one's face. He tried to get his brain into gear but it was difficult with the languid heat that was still zinging through his body. Hikaru-sama had made him feel amazing, unlike anything he'd felt before, and he had felt he'd been quite close to a finale of sorts, when the bright one had suddenly pulled his hand and mouth away, leaving Sai instantly bereft.

Sai shook his head once to try and clear it. Then he took in the scene as he pushed himself up on his elbows. Now he could see Hikaru-sama sit there and look down at...

"You have a vagina," Sai heard Hikaru-sama breathe. Oh, that, Sai thought. Then he recognized the look on his clients face.

"You didn't know?" Sai felt he had to ask.

"How could I have know?!" the bright one said, sounding angry, never taking his eyes away from the evidence. He's playing with me, Sai thought, there is no way he couldn't have know. It was the very reason people came to see him at all; to gawk at the freak. Sai, feeling embarrassed now, and scared too, rolled one leg across the other and wrapped the jukata around both, hiding away the topic of conversation.

"It's on the big sign by the front door," he said, his tone flat as he turned his head and shoulders away, effectively turning his back on his client. There would be consequences to this, but he was suddenly too numb to give it much thought. The only thing he could think was, well, here we go again.

"We came in the back," the bright one said. Sai started. There would not have been a sign by the back door, so Hikaru-sama might indeed not have know. Had he thought he was just buying the services of an ordinary prostitute? Oh god, he must be so disappointed now, Sai thought.

He quickly turned back around, clutching the jukata close, so as to not embarrass his client further. Quickly he spoke, "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you didn't know! I will talk to Mama-san and get you your money back, I honestly did not mean to deceive you!" His breath came hard as he waited for the bright one's response. Of course he knew Mama-san never gave any money back once she'd got her hands on it, but Sai felt sure that if he pleaded enough with her and offered to do one of those parties she always wanted him to do - he shuddered at the thought - he'd be able to get her to give his unintentionally duped client at least part of his money back.

"No." Sai was startled out of his thoughts by the tone of Hikaru's voice; decisive, maybe even angry. He swallowed. He had been in this position before; sometimes clients would be upset by Sai's condition, even though they knew about it beforehand. Some would be horrified, some would be disgusted, and some would get very angry and then Sai would get hurt. He wrapped his arms closer about his body as he slowly inched back into one of the corners of the small room. He knew it wouldn't do any good, possibly even make things worse, but he couldn't help himself.

S$S$S

Fujiwara had a vagina. Or at least it looked like one. 'He' had both male and female parts. Hikaru couldn't stop thinking this over and over, trying desperately to wrap his mind around this. He'd never seen anything like it, had not even heard of such a thing. Was it real? Or maybe artificial? How could it even exist? The thoughts swirled in his head and it took all his will power to stem the flow so he could hear what the prostitute was saying.

His money back? Why would he want that? No, was his first thought on that and he didn't realize he'd said the word out load until his mouth closed again. He looked up from where he'd been staring at the futon, after Sai had moved away without Hikaru realizing it, and saw the prostitute had cornered himself, herself, oh gag, how should Hikaru now think of his lover of mere moments earlier? But then he saw the look on Sai's face: fear, real fear. And he found himself saying "No" again. Sai trembled at the word and Hikaru suddenly felt outraged. Who had put such fear in his companion?

Hikaru's anger quickly died down when he saw Sai react to it with more quacking. Not what Hikaru wanted. And so he elaborated on his use of the word 'no'.

"No, I don't want my money back," he said, trying to make is tone both soothing and authoritative. "What I want is to know how it's possible." At that he looked Sai straight in the eyes, awaiting an answer.

He could see emotions wash over the prostitutes face, anything from fear to resignation. Finally, after biting his almost red lip in worry, Sai apparently decided to speak.

"How it's possible that am I like this, you mean?" Hikaru nodded, and the prostitute looked down and sighed. "I don't know, I was always been hangetsu, half man and half woman." Sai's tone was sad, resigned.

So, a trick of nature then, Hikaru thought, not anything Sai can do about it. In a way it made things easier for Hikaru to understand it. One cannot chose one's body; you are born male or female, well most of the time anyway, and sometimes, apparently, you are born both. Or at least a little bit of both, Hikaru thought, remembering the feel of the prostitute's bits; small and not very responsive.

"My family were appalled with how I was," Sai said after, what Hikaru interpreted as Sai's idea of an uncomfortable silence; Sai sounded nervous. Hikaru was about to interrupt the story, wanting to say he didn't need to hear the background, but he stopped himself because while he didn't need to know, he certainly wanted to know.

"My grandfather would take care of me, he kept me in his room so I'd be safe," Sai continued, "but then he died and I was taken off the island and sold to Mama-san. I've been in this house ever since."

"So, you've never been anywhere in Tokyo?" Hikaru asked. Sai shook his head. "And you're stuck here, like, forever?"

At that Sai smiled. "Oh no, not forever! No, my contract will end and when it does I'll become a professional go player!" Sai now looked happy at this thought. He looked earnestly at Hikaru and said, "I have some books that talk of the professional go world, I know that I need to join a go school and then later I can earn a living as a pro player." In his enthusiasm Sai jumped to his feet, swept to the sliding door that had the cupboard hidden behind it, opened it and brought out some very old looking books. Sai came to a stop in front of Hikaru, folding his legs beneath him and depositing his burden in front of Hikaru, all without loosing his tight grip on his jukata. It was a feat worthy of a dancer.

Hikaru looked at the battered books, picking one up and opening it. 'Go and it's culture' was the title. Published in 1887 in Osaka. The index spoke of the old go schools, Honinbo House, Inoue House and Yasui House. Hikaru's heart sank; all the information presented was so incredibly out of date.

"Sai," he started, putting the book down, picking up the next to check the date on that: 1885, no good either. He put it back down without even leafing through it. "How long before your contract is up?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Oh, nine more years, if all goes well," Sai said, his face still radiating his hopes for the future, all expressed in a dreamy smile.

Hikaru felt terrible, but he had to ask the next question, it would have been unfair not to. "And how old are you now?"

"Uh," Sai looked puzzled for a moment, like no-one had ever asked him that before. "This is my 25th summer," he said, unknowingly sealing his own fate.

Hikaru sighed. He knew he had to tell the prostitute the truth, anything else would disrespectful and cruel. But the truth was just as cruel and so Hikaru found himself the bearer of very bad news indeed.

S$S$S

Sai had listened to every word the bright one had said. The world of go is different from what was in these old books, he had said. There is a go exam that you must pass but only under 30 year olds could take part, he'd said.

Sai was no fool, in 9 years he would be 34 years old, much too old to take the exam. At 34 he'd be 'free' to go out into the world and starve, because he had only two skills, only one of which he was actually any good at. No. At 34 he would be forced back here, back to this hell where he'd be showing off his 'assets' to anyone who'd pay, and this time with no chance of escaping, with no hope for the future.

He remembered well what his grandfather had said, mere days before the man died, when Sai had only been 7 years old. My child, I'm sorry life dealt you a bad hand, but remember, you can always try again in a next life, maybe you'll have better luck then. May the Buddha guide you.

'A next life'. Yes, that was the only way now. Sai found that facing a single more day here, in this life, in this job, was more than he could bear. At least he had had a nice evening with Hikaru-sama, even if it had been Hikaru-sama who'd told him the truth. Or possibly because Hikaru-sama had shown him the kindness and respect to actually tell him the truth. No matter what happened from now on, Sai had at least that to cherish. And all the rest could be resolved with the flick of his knife, the one he had secreted a long time ago, without Mama-san or anyone else knowing.

Yes, that was a solid plan; his blood would flow soon and it bring would take the pain away. But for now there was the bright one looking frowningly at him. Time to be a good host one last time.

S$S$S

The play of emotion on the prostitute's face, just after Hikaru had told him, uh, her, that there was no way she, he, would be able to take the pro exam truly frightened Hikaru. The deathly pallor, with the wide purple eyes staring off into nowhere. The ridged stance, with the shallow breathing, panting almost. One hand clutching closed the jukata, the other held up as if in supplication to some god or spirit Hikaru could not see.

For some minutes the prostitute held the terrible pose and then all of a sudden, his/her face went slack, the hand came down, she/he sat back on his/her heels and quite calmly looked over at Hikaru.

"Shall I ring for some more tea?" the prostitute asked in a civil tone.

"No, thanks," Hikaru said almost automatically; he really wasn't all that fond of tea.

"Sake then? Or soda pop?" Sai asked again, nothing in his/her demeanor showing that anything of any importance had happened in the last half hour. Hikaru wasn't buying it.

"What are you up to?" he asked, making his tone carry a warning. But apparently Sai wasn't phased at all by this, no, the person who had earlier in the evening had been unsure and even frightened of Hikaru every move and opinion, was now courtliness personified, and seemingly impervious to threats, even from Hikaru. Hikaru didn't like it all.

"Nothing at all," Sai said, letting go of his hold on his jukata, while moving closer to Hikaru. "How about we kiss some more? Kissing is nice, don't you think?" Sai purred in his ear. Well, yes, kissing Sai was very nice indeed, but Hikaru wasn't about to be distracted by such tactics. He grabbed the nearest thin wrist and forced the prostitute to stop his/her advances.

"What's going on?" he demanded. And Hikaru knew Sai was lying when she/he replied "nothing," the fact that the prostitute was looking at the floor instead of his face, spoke volumes. He reached out a hand and used it to turn up the prostitute's face so he could confront him/her. Sai's eyes were still turned down.

"Out with it," he commanded.

Sai look up, directly into his eyes and said, "it will all be resolved by tomorrow." The tone was flat, the eyes were empty.

No! Every fiber in Hikaru's being rebelled against the notion of what was obviously going to be a suicide attempt of some sort. Not on my watch, was his first thought. And his second too. But then he realized that there wasn't terribly much he could do here. Except maybe...

"Can that contract of yours be bought out?" he asked and Sai blinked as if in slow motion and some of that emptiness in the purple gaze filled up with some emotion Hikaru couldn't quite fathom.

"It can." Sai's voice broke on the few words, almost as if he'd forgotten how to speak at all. Hikaru saw the prostitute's chest heave as if he/she tried to draw breath under water.

"How much?" Hikaru asked mater-of-factually.

Sai's almost non existent Adam's apple bobbed. "10 million, 400 thousand yen."

Fuck! That was ten times more that Hikaru had ever owned in the world. Hikaru kept his gaze steady though, don't show the fact that you don't have a hand to play here. "I'll have it for you..." He had to think for a moment; there was no way he could have it by the next morning, that was Sunday and any bank would be closed. He wasn't sure if Sai, who'd never been anywhere by his own account, even knew about banking hours, but still. "I'll have it the day after tomorrow," he promised.

"You will?" Sai asked in confirmation, his/her eyes shining with tears, one of which escaped down the beautiful face.

Hikaru nodded his resolve. And then found his lap full of sobbing prostitute, and he questioned his own sanity.

S$S$S

Hikaru let Sai weep, at the very least he could give her/him that much. He knew very well that getting the money was going to be more than hard, but even if he to go rob a bank for it, he was resolved to get the brilliant go player out of this hell hole. But on the not so off chance that he couldn't deliver, he let Sai cry his/her misery out on his now very damp lap. It was the very least he could do.

After a while the weeping became hitched breathing and after some more time steady breathing. And then, finally, Sai raised her/his head and gave Hikaru a watery smile.

"May I request something?" Sai asked, that smile growing.

Hikaru smiled. "Of course you may," he answered.

"Would you kiss me again?"

Hikaru felt his smile stretching his face. In reply he hooked a finger under the prostitute's chin, leveling the head up and he leaned over, their lips touching in moist warmth.

S$S$S

Many hours later, Sai lay alone on the futon. He had neglected to take his usual shower he'd take after seeing a client. No, instead he reveled in the smell and feel of bright one's sweat still up his skin and the bed, and his seed still inside of him.

He couldn't help the tears that leaked from his eyes, being sopped up by the bedding. They were mixed tears of hope and desperation. What if Hikaru-sama didn't come for him on Monday? What if he did? Questions with no answers.

Sai reminded himself of the only thing he was sure of; that he had to survive one more Sunday in order to receive his answers. Just one more day of hell. And at that thought, the tears flowed faster still.

S$S$S

Hikaru had left the brothel at 4 am, after Sai had woken him up to tell him time was up 5 minutes earlier. There hadn't been much time to say goodbye, and Hikaru strongly suspected that the prostitute had planned it that way; Hikaru had seen he/she was openly crying as Hikaru rushed to pull on shirt and pants. His socks and underwear he stuffed in a pocket, wanting to spend the time he would have taken putting them on, kissing his Sai instead.

He had run out the door saying "Monday, I promise," one last time. And was unceremoniously herded down the corridors by the proprieties, who gave him just enough time to stuff his feet in his shoes before chucking him out back into the dark empty alleyway he'd entered that afternoon.

He took a moment to sit on a stoop, taking out his socks, putting them and his shoes on properly. Presently he walked out of the alley.

At 4:10 am no bus ran, but he didn't mind the long walk to the metro station; he figured he could use the time to think.

He thought about his day, about meeting Sai, about how Sai was half man and half woman, hangetsu. About how he felt about Sai, regardless of the male/female thing. Or because of the male/female thing? Hikaru now wasn't sure. The strangeness of it had first surprised him and then it had turned him on like nothing before ever had. But there was more to Sai than being a hangetsu, or even being some one Hikaru was very much attracted to; he/she was a great go player too. Hikaru could not forget either game the prostitute had played yesterday; both were brilliant, worthy of any go pro.

So, it all came down to that 10 million 400 thousand yen. If Hikaru couldn't come up with that somehow, Sai would not be free in time to get his chance at the pro exam, hell, the way Sai had been talking, the prostitute wasn't going to be alive by Tuesday! Hikaru was not going to let that happen. While he wasn't completely convinced he was in love with Sai just yet, he was not going to stand by and watch the hangetsu end it so permanently between them before it had even started. Especially not for lack of money. Just not. Which brought him neatly back to those 10 million plus yen.

Robbing a bank was out of the question. Even though it had been the first thing he'd thought of, he'd realized quickly he'd never get away with it. If the police didn't catch him right away, Gramps would and Hikaru was more scared of what Gramps would do to him than law enforcement agency. He could still feel the belting he'd received when he'd tried to steal that goban when he'd been 11 years old. It had been the day Gramps had taken charge of Hikaru's life and the reason he'd become a go pro instead of going to collage and become a salary man like his dad. Gramps knew his stuff, that was for sure.

Hikaru walked aimlessly, deeply in thought, well after the sun had come up. His feet had taken him on a meandering path in the direction of home. And once he'd decided he'd thought enough, he took the train the last stretch home, walked briskly from the station to the house he shared with his grandparents, and, after coming in, settled at the kitchen table to wait for Gramps to wake up, so he could make his appeal.

S$S$S

owari.

S$S$S

[Kanto]

Sep. 20th, 2014 10:32 am
answer_key: (Default)
Attention to Go Players


They flew in from Frankfurt to find themselves ambushed at Narita by the paparazzi, at seven in the morning.

While Go would never draw widespread attention among most Japanese (who usually reacted with bemusement to the concept of a Go pro), now and then, there were exceptions. Unfortunately, the exceptions tended to what certain narrow-minded people regarded as scandalous and outrageous.

"Touya-sensei, have you heard the latest rumours about Touya Kouyo-sensei?" asked a male reporter who looked too old to be running the paparazzi circuit. "How about you, Shindou-sensei?"

Hikaru didn't know who it was and he didn't care since the reporter wasn't from Go Weekly. The focus on Touya-sensei was probably just one another of those idiotic rumours fanned by tabloids seeking to increase their circulation, he thought. He had encountered too many of them (rumours and reporters) to be alarmed by anything they said. Besides, Akira would have received a phone call from his father if anything were truly amiss. He glanced over at Akira, who was wearing the usual polite mask of a person who was wishing that every single reporter in Tokyo would drop into a pit.

"Excuse me, let us pass through," Akira said with a little bow that was not a bow, and tried to walk past them.

"Yeah, stop bothering us," Hikaru said, dragging along his luggage, then grabbed Akira's arm and waded through the small crowd, taking pleasure in the way one or more photographers had to jump out of his way.

They settled into a taxi and Hikaru leant back with a minor grumble. He had been sitting down for more than fifteen hours, and he would like some real ramen, a game on his own goban, and then his own bed. Though possibly not in that order. He glanced at Akira, who was checking his phone. "Nothing happened, right?" he asked.

Akira scrolled through what must be news headlines, then shook his head. "My parents are still in Tokyo," he said. "Although 'Touya-sensei was seen checking into a hotel in Kobe late last Friday alone'," he quoted blandly. " 'Is Touya-sensei's marriage on the rocks?' " Akira finished with a twist of his lips.

"What, again?" Hikaru exclaimed. "And why Kobe, anyway?"

Akira's shrug indicated that he didn't care. Go pros travelled all the time. But he then frowned in thought. "I heard from Amano-san that there was a Go event in Kobe last week."

"Doesn't seem like Touya-sensei's style to go all the way to Kobe for a Go event," Hikaru said, but shrugged. It was a possibility.

"Come to think of it, I heard that Ichiruyu-sensei was also travelling to Kobe last week," Akira said. "He used to be from the same study group as-"

"-as Touya-sensei," Hikaru said, nodding. "I think I heard Morishita-sensei mention that. He was in a different study group. Huh, I bet that's why Touya-sensei was in Kobe, for a reunion or something."

"That would have been an interesting meeting."

Hikaru made a face. "It's probably more like a gathering of retired Go pros who still can't forget who made pro first. I bet they just get together to compare how many titles they have. No thanks."

"They aren't as juvenile as you, Hikaru." Akira sounded amused and bemused at the same time. "Older pros are more mature."

"Hah! Tell that to Kuwabara-sensei," Hikaru retorted. "Okay, maybe not Touya-sensei," Hikaru acknowledged, rubbing his chin in speculation, going through in his mind the number of older pros who were likely to have a reunion in Kobe. "I can't see that happening. I bet Touya-sensei's classier than that. But I can't say the same for the others. That old man from Fukushima, for example-"

"You're babbling."

Hikaru pouted for all of five minutes, before he fell asleep.

***

Someone was shaking him awake. Hikaru grumbled and tried to pull his pillow over his head, but there was no pillow, and his nose met the smell of pine air-refresher. Huh. It smelt like the inside of a taxi. He opened his eyes to see Akira standing outside the taxi. "Hikaru, are you coming in with me, or are you going home first?"

"Huh?" Hikaru rubbed his eyes. His mind felt as heavy as cotton. Damn jag lag. "I'll come in. May as well greet Touya-sensei properly," he said. "And I've got kifu-" he interrupted himself with a huge yawn "-of that game with Mike Chiang that I want to show Touya-sensei."

"All right." Akira went around to the back, presumably to supervise the unloading of their luggage, while Hikaru yawned again and stumbled out of the taxi. Half-leaning on him, they made their way into the Touya residence.

"We're back!" Akira said, and Hikaru echoed him blearily. Akira looked at him in amusement. "You don't even live here."

"I could live here," Hikaru said loftily. "If I wanted." He liked living in his grandfather's place, though. He had a soft spot for the place where he had first met Sai. There was also Torajiro's goban in the storeroom, which made him feel incredibly secure, for some reason.

The sound of steps made them look up. "Welcome back, Akira-san," said Akira's father, then he blinked. "And Shindou-kun. Both of you look exhausted!"

"Long flight. Good morning, Touya-sensei," Hikaru said, attempting to bow and was saved from lurching to the ground by Akira's arm around him.

There was a chuckle from Akira's father. "Come in," he said, "Would you like some breakfast? Akira-san?"

Hikaru brightened. "Can I have ramen, please, Touya-sensei?" He ignored Akira's elbow at his side. "There was no ramen in the whole of Germany," he said.

"He's exaggerating," Akira said, pulling first his luggage into the house, then Hikaru's. "Though not by much. Would it have killed you to try some German food?"

"I tried it. And I didn't like it." Hikaru walked past him into the house, slightly more awake now and his attention focused only in the direction of the study, then wondered if he should barge in, just like that.

Akira caught his hesitant actions and said, "Yes, Mother should be inside at this time. But I thought you wanted to eat ramen."

"Later," Hikaru said, then caught the resigned look on Akira's father. "Um, maybe it's too early." Probably seen too many young pros anxious to prove themselves to Akira's mother to the exclusion of everybody else. Although Hikaru hoped that he wasn't coming off as one of those nuisances.

"Go on," Akira's father said encouragingly. "It's fine." Despite not knowing about Hikaru's connection to Sai, Akira's father had always understood that Hikaru's attachment to Go went deep. But then Akira's father had Akira to learn from, too.

Hikaru nodded, sheepish. He had to get used to the fact that they didn't think of him that way.

"Go ahead, then," Akira said, giving him a light push.

"Huh." Hikaru rubbed the back of his head, half-aware that he reverted to a bashful teen whenever he had to see the ex-Meijin. He approached the study and knocked softly. "It's me, Hikaru," he said.

A moment, then, "Come in, Shindou-kun."

Hikaru slid open the door, and entered. The tatami room was, as usual, bare except for some low shelves of kifu and poetry. At one end of it was a beautiful old goban, and behind it was Touya-sensei, with both bowls of stones at her fingers. There was a game that glowed intriguingly from the goban, and the combination was like something out of a painting. Hikaru realised he had been staring when he heard Akira huff a breath of amusement behind him. His neck turning red, Hikaru hastily bowed. "Good morning, Touya-sensei," he said.

"Good morning, Mother," Akira said.

"Akira, Shindou-kun, come and look at this game."

"Sure, Touya-sensei!" Hikaru brightened and scrambled to sit down opposite the goban, Akira following but at a less boisterous pace after sliding the door closed.

Well, it looked like Touya-sensei had a more interesting time than Hikaru would have imagined, meeting up with old friends and rivals in Kobe. Someone had managed to unearth a kifu showing a game that a historian from Kyoto University believed to be between Shuusaku and an unknown lady, or at least Touya-sensei's friend, the historian, had assumed it was a lady by the script. Shuusaku -- if it was Shuusaku, Touya-sensei cautioned, but Hikaru had caught the excitement in her voice too -- had given the lady a significant handicap, but it seemed she, too, had been an experienced and skilful player too. Unfortunately, part of the kifu was damaged and Touya-sensei had been trying to reconstruct what happened in the upper left corner.

Delighted and thrilled at the thought of tracking down another of Sai's games, Hikaru spent the rest of the morning discussing the kifu with Touya-sensei.

---


"Shindou, this is Ikeda Kei, one of this year's new pros," Ogata said. He was standing with a boy who looked about eighteen, dressed in a suit that probably cost what Hikaru made in a month. Good looking, if you liked them delicate-jawed and intellectual-looking, thought Hikaru with an inner grin, with hair that was little too long but gave him an artfully casual look.

"This is Shindou-sensei," Ogata introduced. "You've probably heard of him. He'll be joining in the study session as well."

Hikaru resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at Ogata. Despite the years, he was still a little wary of Ogata, and their repeated meetings over the goban in the title games didn't diminish that.

Ikeda bowed, "Shindou-sensei, pleased to meet you."

A bit disconcerted at the extreme formality, Shindou bowed too. "Pleased to meet you too," he said. "Is this your first time to Touya's place?"

Ikeda nodded, but he seemed unusually excited at Hikaru's question. "It's an honour to be here," he said. "I look forward to meeting Touya-sensei as well."

"Akira? I thought you'd have met him already, he was at the Beginner Pros ceremony-" Hikaru cut himself off as Akira came up to them. Ah, wrong Touya.

"Ogata-san, you're here. Ikeda-kun, good evening."

Hikaru was amused to observe the boy's excitement sharpen even more upon seeing Akira. Ogata only said, "Good evening, Akira. Ikeda, we better go in."

Ogata led Ikeda further into the house, towards the Go study. Hikaru stifled a grin and met Akira's eyes.
"So… Ikeda-kun's one of those, huh?"

Judging by his expression, Akira was not amused.

Privately (and not so privately), Hikaru thought it was hilarious. He had had a healthy respect (and fear) of Touya-sensei since the first time he met the person Sai would refer to as his eternal rival. But while it was true that Touya-sensei's personality was impressive and charismatic enough to make people think they were in the presence of a movie star, Hikaru had seen Touya-sensei too, in the moments when she was fully focused on Go. When she played with Sai. In those moments, she was one of the best Go players in the world, every hand a sublime move.

Her absolute dedication to Go was well-known, as were the many (frankly distracting) media references to her frequent travel trips for Go games. Now and then, reports recurred of how Akira's main carer had been his father rather than his mother, even the way she mixed around with mainly male company.

("But all of the older pros are men, like Kuwabara-sensei." "Yes I know, Hikaru.")

Then there were her fans. Oh, the fans. So many, and so dedicated. Even years after the retirement.

"Are you coming in?" Akira asked.

"A moment." Knowing that the first fifteen minutes of any study session with new students was filled with introductions, Hikaru opted to delay his entrance. What was more, this was a combined study session of both Touya-sensei's students and Ogata's students, so it would be even more crowded. Akira probably guessed his intention, and followed as Hikaru headed for the kitchen.

"Shindou-kun! Just in time to try my new recipe. Akira-san, have you eaten dinner?"

"Touya-sensei! Really?" Hikaru glanced around and saw that Akira was on his heels. Ah, well. Akira didn't like the acolyte parade any more than Touya-sensei did. "Is it ramen too?"

Akira's father nodded and chuckled. "I'm thinking of adding it to my new book, but it needs another taste tester. I'm afraid Kouyo's getting sick of ramen."

How could anyone get sick of ramen? Hikaru thought. From what Hikaru knew, Akira's father had been a manager in a hot spring ryokan before he married an up-and-coming female pro. Everyone had assumed that eighteen-year-old Takeuchi Kouyo would stop being a pro once she was married, or at least when she had a child, and the extremely conservative side of the Go world (which was about all of it at that time, according to Kuwabara-sensei) was scandalised when Touya Akihito quit his job to be a homemaker instead. He had stated that he planned to be a freelance food critic, but the unspoken reason was to take care of the home so that his wife, upcoming Go pro, could focus all her time on her career. It upended a lot of convention in those days.

Over the years, Akira's father had published numerous home cooking recipe books that had been well-received and had gained some publicity that way, but it was nothing in comparison to his wife Touya Kouyo who had once held all Go five titles in Japan.

They sat down at the dining table to eat: Hikaru, Akira, and Touya-sensei, and were joined halfway by one of Akira's students Uchida Yuri, who was sixteen-year-old with a not-so-secret crush on Hikaru.

"Have you met Ikeda already, Shindou-sensei?" she asked with a conspiratorial air when she sat down with her own bowl of ramen.

"Uh-huh," Hikaru said, intent on slurping all his broth.

"Is he good?" she asked with an air of testing out the competition. Uchida was a new pro last year and was ambitious, which Hikaru approved of, but prone to make snap judgments, which he did not.

"Play him yourself," Hikaru said. He found a sliver of salmon beneath of the dregs of the soup, and popped it into his mouth.

"Not today," Uchida said with a snort. "He's hanging on Touya-sensei's every word, and I think he wants to play with Touya-sensei."

"Ah," Touya's father said. "When I saw him come in just now, I thought-"

Uchida nodded. "Yes, he's one of those."

Akira did not roll his eyes, but his sentiment was clear.

All four of them contemplated, in their own ways, about Touya Kouyo fanboys.

Frankly, if Sai hadn't been such a huge Go manic, Hikaru thought, he'd probably be one of those fanboys. In fact, back in the days when he was still to enter the Go profession, Hikaru had assumed that one of the reasons that Sai wanted to play with Touya Kouyo was that he was attracted to her, and the fact that she played Go like a dream was just icing on the cake. Hikaru, too, had been overwhelmed by Touya-sensei's intensity from the first time they met. It didn't help that Sai was so focused on her as his eternal rival. It wasn't until his Beginner Dan game that Hikaru could look past all the glamour that surrounded the then Touya Meijin.

Then again, Hikaru always had Akira to focus on.

The problem was that Touya Kouyo was gorgeous. She was tall, imposing with vibrant eyes and a serious demeanour. Akira definitely took after his mother in that regard. She had long, straight hair that flowed like a river down her back. She wore kimono to title games, and she looked like a goddess when she was seated in front of a goban. Even if she were not famous, most people (men, that is) who met her for the first time were intimidated by her beauty, her confidence, and the way her gaze could pierce into you. She had been photographed more often than any other pro in the world, and even those who knew nothing of Go knew that they had seen her picture somewhere, is she an actor or something?

With that kind of unasked-for fame came invented associations with high profile businessmen, politicians and other Go pros. The Touya marriage was rumoured to be on the rocks more often than not. Some people pitied Touya Akihito, while some thought he was hen-pecked. After all, beside his eye-catching wife, Touya Akihito looked plain and boring.

The fanboys, usually motivated by Touya-sensei's Go skills or by the novelty of a woman who could play genius-level Go (Hikaru figured it was both), tended to gather around the Go Institute or at Go events, hoping for a chance to be introduced to her and be invited to her Go study sessions. They had a tendency to hang on her every word and gesture, often ending up annoying anyone else who might be in Touya-sensei's presence, such as her husband or her son.

Then there had been all the hullabaloo when Akira's relationship with Hikaru became clear and the public had realised that Touya Kouyo's prodigy son was gay and wasn't that because he didn't have a female's proper nurturing influence when he was young?

Hikaru couldn't blame Akira for being so blasé about the reporters.

A newcomer entered the kitchen. "Here you are. Touya-sensei, good evening."

Akira's father nodded. "Ashiwara-sensei, good evening. Have you just arrived?"

Hikaru looked up at the good-natured smile on Ashiwara's face and nodded a greeting before wiping his mouth. "Ashiwara-sensei." Akira and Uchida added their greetings.

"Yes, I just got in. But Ogata-sensei messaged that he wanted to see Akira, so I came looking for him."

"Would you like some, Ashiwara-san?"

Ashiwara shook his head. "No thanks, I've had dinner. Come on, Akira. I think Sensei wants you to explain your game last month with Ko Yeongha to the others."

"You better go, Akira-san," Akira's father said.

They made their way to the study, and entered to see Ogata discussing a game with Touya Kouyo-sensei. They were already surrounded by the other students. Silently, Hikaru and Akira went to sit at the side, trying to catch a better view, and the one of the students moved silently, his gaze never moving from the goban. Hikaru saw that it was Ikeda, shrugged inwardly, and shifted closer.

Ah. It was a game between another player and Touya-sensei that Hikaru had seen the week before he and Akira left for Germany. Hikaru studied it again. He'd known that Touya-sensei had been studying Shuwa's techniques, contrasting it with Shuusaku's for the past year, and it was interesting to see the effect here.

"This was where Park-sensei surprised me," Touya-sensei was saying of the fight in the lower left. There was a distinct tone of fondness in her tone. Ikeda, in front of Hikaru, leant closer. Park… ah, probably Yeongha's student, Hikaru remembered. The Korean pro's students really didn't care that Touya-sensei was a woman, and Touya-sensei had a soft spot for that.

"It would have been faster to cut through here," Ogata suggested, pointing to a spot exactly one step below.

"Perhaps," Touya-sensei said, and she looked up. "Ikeda-kun, what do you think?"

"Um." Hikaru could hear Ikeda swallow at the question. "I-I think he was trying to fortify the territory here," he made a swipe over the lower section of the goban. "Without drawing notice to it. Otherwise this section could be in danger."

"Very true," Touya-sensei said, smiling directly at Ikeda. Hikaru was certain he could see the tips of Ikeda's ears turning red.

"Too unsubtle, though," Ogata sniffed. "Sensei saw through the attempt in no time."

"But it was a good attempt. Next time, Park-sensei will be more cunning, I'm sure," Touya-sensei said with a smile.

Hikaru had to agree with Touya-sensei's assessment. He'd played with that student of Yeongha's before, too. Wait- he leant forward. "This is a variation of Shuwa's technique, isn't it?" he said in sudden comprehension. It hadn't been obvious to him until just now. "He was working on a counter for Shuusaku's fuseki, and came up with a series of feints."

"Except Park-sensei adapted one of them even further," Akira pointed out, catching on as well. "He saw that if he started from the centre, Mother would catch it immediately, so he-"

Everyone looked again. "Now that you mention it," Ogata said, starting to frown.

"I wondered if anyone would comment on that," Touya-sensei said, and nodded. "Yes, I suspected that Park-sensei was trying that, but it still surprised me. He must have studied hard to find a way for it to work."

Hikaru nodded, running through the permutations in his mind. He had studied Shuusaku's techniques, of course, and in recent years he had begun to study those of his contemporaries as well. Sai had been developing his technique with Torajiro, building on the skills he had honed in the Heian period. Later, he would do just the same with Hikaru, building on the skills he had honed before. Hikaru gave a tiny sigh, feeling a wave of nostalgia for Sai and caught Touya-sensei looking at him curiously. Nothing, he shook his head very slightly. The last thing he wanted was for questions about Sai to recur, especially in front of Ogata.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Ikeda's puzzled frown. Ikeda was probably new to the undercurrent of Sai's mystery, not that anyone in the room was about to enlighten him, Hikaru thought. He suddenly realised that Ikeda was the only one wearing a suit: all the others, even Ogata, were dressed much more casually. Then again, Ikeda must have felt some pressure to stand out at his first study session with Ogata.

Akira next demonstrated his game against Ko Yeongha. Compared to Park Hanjeong, Ko's technique was far more refined and displayed an understanding of strategy that Hikaru reluctantly admitted was breathtaking. Still, Akira was well able to hold his own against the Korean pro, and Hikaru gleefully pointed out where a slight hesitation on Ko's part had allowed Akira to expand his offense.

"It was a good game," Touya-sensei said. "I see that Ko-sensei has improved again." By that comparison, so had Akira. She looked pleased, almost admiring.

Akira nodded. "Yes, Ko Yeongha's skills have reached a higher level than before," he said.

"But he's still inferior compared to you, Touya-sensei!" Ikeda said, a little too loudly.

Inwardly, Hikaru grimaced. Touya-sensei's skills were incomparable, that was true, but for someone to denigrate another pro's skills so baldly simply to curry favour with Touya-sensei was painful to observe. Ko's skills were of a very high level; and Touya-sensei himself knew it. Who was to say that Ko could not surpass Touya-sensei one day? (Not if Hikaru had anything to say about it, though.) A stealthy glance around the goban showed that Ogata looked mildly pained, behind his neutral expression, Ashiwara looked like he was biting his lip, and Akira looked pissed off beneath that bland look.

As though Ikeda had not spoken, Touya-sensei only said, "He is an extremely skilful player; I would like to play with him the next time he's in Tokyo."

Akira nodded. "He said the same, Mother."

And that seemed to be that. The study session broke into smaller groups after that. Uchida cornered Hikaru, demanding to see the game with Mike Chiang that Hikaru played in Frankfurt, and as Hikaru laid out the game on one of the spare goban she half-giggled, half-snorted, "What a prize, that Ikeda."

"Uchida." Hikaru glanced up, and decided to concentrate on remembering the game.

"When he said that, I wanted to sink through the floor. Super embarrassing."

Come to think of it, female fans of Touya-sensei tended to be one of two types: either they admired Touya-sensei for being one of the strongest players in the world who was also a woman, or they took her as an example of how a woman in the (still) male-dominated world of professional Go could be successful. Hikaru had, up to now, been thankful that Uchida seemed to be free of any hero worship of Touya-sensei, but he reflected that perhaps it was only because he had been unobservant.

"And I don't know how Touya-sensei remained so calm, I would have slapped-"

"Uchida."

"What?"

Hikaru only said, "Touya-sensei, this was the game I was planning to show you the other day."

Uchida's face as she turned back to see Touya-sensei was priceless.

[Kanda]

Sep. 20th, 2014 10:26 am
answer_key: (Default)
Kissing Games


"Aren't we a little old for this?" Yoshi asked.

"What?" Shindou blinked. "Of course not. Stop stalling."

"We're totally too old for this."

Isumi glanced over at her with an expression that looked like agreement, but he didn't say anything to help. Traitorous bastard.

"Well I've never done it, so obviously we're not," Shindou said. "I'm still a teenager for another hour. It's fine."

"It's not my fault you had your head so far up Touya's ass that you never did anything like play spin the bottle as a kid," Yoshi huffed.

"Oh come on, you're my best friend, it's your job to make sure I don't miss out on stuff. So it's totally your fault."

"No way, I'm not taking responsibility for that. And we can't play with three people anyway, it's stupid."

Shindou whined at her until finally she sighed and spun the stupid bottle around, cursing her luck at having a friend like Shindou who got her stuck in these situations. Hell, who created the situations in the first place and then somehow talked his friends into jumping into the deep end with him. She silently prayed for the bottle to suddenly blow up, or for it to land directly between Shindou and Isumi so that she wouldn't have to kiss either of them. Of course, even if it was someone else's turn...

This was such an epically bad idea.

"Waya-chan," Isumi's voice said, soft all of a sudden. She hadn't even realized she'd closed her eyes until that moment.

Yoshi looked down and saw that the bottle was pointing at Isumi. Well, fuck. Of course. It fucking figured that her first spin would be him. She wouldn't have objected under normal circumstances, if Isumi had actually wanted to and they weren't sitting in front of Shindou, because she'd liked Isumi since before she even knew what that meant. But this, this was totally wrong.

"You don't have to," Isumi said. "If you really hate it that much, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"No way!" Shindou shrieked, flailing his arms in Yoshi's periphrial vision, because she was too busy staring at Isumi. "Those aren't the rules!"

"She can do something else," Isumi said, and Yoshi felt a surge of gratefulness that he wanted to protect her, even though it was a little misplaced in this case.

"No, it's okay," she said. "No one needs to break the rules for me."

She got another look from Isumi, this one clearly saying, "are you sure?" She nodded. She tried not to think about the objections he might've made for himself if he hadn't been trying to watch out for her. Not that it worked. Damn him. Damn Shindou.

When Isumi's lips met hers, at first it was nothing except a soft pressure. Then her brain decided to remind her that it was, in fact, Isumi, because her brain was clearly a masochist. Yoshi gasped and pushed against the kiss. She wanted more of that, definitely. Isumi was even kissing her back. That was a surprise. She figured he'd be all polite about it and pull away as soon as possible. But no, he was giving as good as he got, though it was still just a tangle of lips and nothing else.

"Guys," Shindou said, which broke the moment.

Yoshi turned her head and looked at Shindou with the fiercest glare she could scrounge up for interrupting. "What?"

"We're still playing," Shindou answered. He seemed completely unaffected by the power of Yoshi's expression. Of course.

She wanted to say that no, actually, she was good and they could stop now, but Isumi shrugged.

"It does seem unfair to stop after one pair," he said. Traitor.

Shindou took the opportunity to spin the bottle on the floor himself, and a few moments later, they were all staring at each other somewhat dumbfounded.

"We don't really..." Shindou said.

"You kiss who it lands on. Those are the rules," Yoshi said. She had absolutely no idea why she was pointing that out now. She was possibly just relieved.

"But it's... oh, fine," he sighed and leaned over to kiss Isumi.

It lasted all of three seconds before they both pulled away. Not that Yoshi was counting or anything.

"That was weird," Shindou said.

"It was," Isumi agreed.

"You guys are right. This is dumb," Shindou added.

Yoshi snorted. "So that means we're done?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Next time you get an idea about doing this kind of stuff with people, try Touya."

"Wha--"

While Shindou was doing his best impression of an angry plum, Isumi was giving Yoshi a look she'd never seen before. Surprise? Interest? She didn't know. She just knew she really, really wanted to find out.

[Kanamara]

Sep. 20th, 2014 10:20 am
answer_key: (Default)
A Letter Home


In the quiet of the sleeping palace Sai was writing a letter to her mother. She had shadowed her lamp so she wouldn’t disturb the lady-in-waiting who shared her room and was already fast asleep, and it shed its dim light only on her letter, and the pastel-colored sleeves of her under robes – the over-robe she had already taken off. At times she paused from her writing, listening to the silence where the only sound was her companion’s soft breathing. How pleasant, she thought to herself, this quiet was, compared to the constant noise and chattering that filled the days. Sometimes it seemed to her that the ladies were like little children, unable to spend a moment in silence. Perhaps the winter days would be calmer, or so the others had claimed.

She looked down at her letter, reading what she had written so far and wondering how to go on.

Honored Mother, thank you for your letter and all the advice you sent with it. I wish you would finally put your mind to rest; my first weeks here have passed without any problems. I quite enjoy the life at the palace, and I think I have found my place here. Of course I understand your worries, but I can assure you that I am very careful.

I told you already in my previous letter how beautiful and charming our Empress is, but the longer I am here, the more impressed I become of Her Majesty. It is not just her appearance that is beyond any criticism, but her character is also so gentle and gracious, and her bearing so noble and dignified that I find myself truly blessed to be in the service of one such as her.


If she were honest, Sai would have said that the inner beauty of the Empress greatly surpassed her physical beauty, but during her short time at the court Sai had already come to like her young mistress so much, that she was willing to exaggerate to praise her beauty to outsiders who wouldn’t anyway ever see her. As it was, there wasn’t anything special in the Empress’s face – her eyes were small, mouth a little too wide… but at least her hair was quite magnificent, silky and black as night, reaching the ground when she stood.

The other night, Sai went on after a short hesitation, Her Majesty’s father, the Regent, and her brother, the Major Counselor, came suddenly to visit her chambers. It caused quite a commotion, and I must say I was quite flustered as I had not expected something like this to happen. I managed to stay in the background, though, and in the end I guess I should count myself lucky, having been able to observe these two grand men from so close.

Sai paused again, feeling a little guilty. This was already the second not-quite-the-truth in her letter, and while the first certainly was forgivable (she was even supposed to praise her mistress), this… this was a bit different. She just didn’t want to tell her mother how the Regent had almost immediately spotted a new presence among the ladies, no matter how hard she had tried to hide, and she had been drawn into the conversation. Though she had attempted to be bland and uninteresting, she had a feeling she had somehow caught the interest of both the father and the son. Which, of course, normally would have been something to boast about, but she knew it would only make her mother more anxious.

She whispered a quick apology for lying to her mother, and left it at that.

The court is certainly full of interesting people! Many of the ladies are true personalities, always so witty and, some of them, ready for mischief that life here truly isn’t boring. And many of them are excellent go players, too! I have played so many great games here. I’ll send you the records of some of them with this letter, I know you can appreciate them, Mother. Leave the one I have marked last! That is a game I played with the Emperor’s go tutor himself, and I am still thoroughly shaken of how wonderful go he plays. I have always thought of myself as a good player, but now I realize I have still a long way to go. And, truly, that couldn’t make me happier!

There was so much more she could have said about Sugawara no Akitada, but again she decided to keep it all to herself. The man had made a great impression on her – and she on him, she was afraid. The game she had played had been a good one but not good enough, and she knew that he wasn’t interested in her as a go player, but as a beautiful woman who happened to play quite good go. He had sent her poems and she had answered some of them, straining her wit to make her replies polite but declining. Then, one night when the lady who shared her room had been keeping company to the Empress, soft rapping had come from the door. She had lain on her bedding, tense and quiet, barely daring to breath and fervently praying he would not enter. After what seemed like an eternity, quiet steps had finally retreated.

Next day a poem had arrived from Akitada, confirming that she had guessed the nocturnal visitor’s identity right. How sad for him who stands the whole night long, knocking on your cedar door, tap-tap-tap like the cry of the kuina bird.

She almost didn’t reply but decided then she would have to do something so that the episode wouldn’t repeat itself. Sadder for her who had answered the kuina’s tap, for it was no innocent bird who stood there knocking on the door, she finally sent, and got no reply to that.

It was rather troublesome. She wanted to play more with Akitada – but only go, and nothing else. Anything else was, in the end, impossible. But if she expressed any interest toward the man at all, she was afraid he would see it in the wrong way. If he appeared by her door again, would he leave a second time just as meekly? She’d better be careful not to do anything he might take as encouragement.

And that, she concluded sadly, meant no go with him for the time being. She knew herself, there was no way she would be able to hide her excitement if they were to play again. It was best to avoid the man completely.

Looking down at her letter she realized she’d forgotten what she had been going to say next. What else was there to write about? Somehow she couldn’t find the words to describe the frivolous and silly pastimes that filled the idle hours, or the long and tedious court proceedings she honestly found quite boring.

She lowered her brush next to the inkstone, and let her thoughts wander.

If… that huge if of her life. If a different decision had been made on the day she was born. If the confused midwife and the onmyouji who as well had been consulted had arrived to a different conclusion. If she had been raised as a boy and not a girl, if she had been able to enter the court as a man and not a woman… how different everything would have been. The life of a man was so much freer. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about such things as unwanted admirers.

Besides, these days she couldn’t help wondering if the midwife and the onmyouji hadn’t been wrong in their decision. She couldn’t blame them, though – if she herself couldn’t say for sure, how could they? All she knew was that most of her life she had been at home in the women’s circles, that she still enjoyed their company and chatting with them, spending her days with women’s chores, and she had little interest in the more manly pastimes, hunting and archery and studying Chinese. But she had also always known that something was off. She wasn’t like her sister. Ever since they were small she had noticed a slight difference in how people treated them, and for some reason they were never allowed to bath together. One day, though, the servants’ attention had divided, and they had, stealthily, feeling they were doing something forbidden but still filled with childish curiosity, examined each other. Her sister, two years older and so more knowledgeable, had quietly whispered, “Are you a boy?” and later that day she had innocently repeated that question to her mother.

Who had, for the first and last time ever, raised her hand to hit her.

Afterwards her mother had gathered her in her arms, trying to comfort her. “Don’t say such things, dearest,” she’d whispered. “Don’t ever say such things. Of course you’re not a boy.”

“Why do I look like a boy then?” she’d sniffed against her shoulder.

“You don’t,” she’d mumbled. “A boy doesn’t look like that, trust me. You look nothing like a boy.”

“But why am I different? From big sister,” she had asked, raising her head to look up, and felt her mother stiffening, avoiding her questioning eyes.

“I don’t know, darling,” she’d finally muttered. “Don’t worry about it. Everything will be alright when you grow up.”

Everything wasn’t alright, though. As her body matured, she realized it was becoming even weirder, as if it was just as confused as she was about which sex it was supposed to be. Her mother was greatly bothered about it all, not understanding what had gone wrong and blaming it on herself, on something she had done during the pregnancy. Sai herself was calmer about it, despite her confusion. She didn’t have any clear idea of exactly what she should have been like, and half the time she couldn’t really understand why it was such a big deal to begin with. Once she had attempted to suggest to her mother that maybe it would be simplest just to say that she wasn’t quite a woman or quite a man and leave it at that, but her mother had been horrified about the idea. “What if there are others like me? How do we ever know, if everyone always keeps quiet about it?” Sai had still attempted, but to no avail.

So, there she was, a lady-in-waiting in the Empress’s court, in all appearances a woman but unable to accept the advances of a potential suitor. Her mother had, of course, been opposed to her going to court. She would have wanted Sai to become a nun – the only life she could imagine where her strange daughter might be safe from all scandals, but although Sai until then had been quite obedient, here she wouldn’t budge. She didn’t want to be buried in some distant recluse and dedicate her life to the gods. The only god she could have served, had there been one, was the god of go, and in the absence of one the best thing she could think of was to head to the court where the strongest players could be found.

And now that she had found the strongest player of them all, she wouldn’t be able to play with him. How utterly maddening!

Her lips drawn in a tight, annoyed line she grasped the letter, suddenly wanting to burn it. To start again from the beginning, this time more honestly. Write what she really thought and really wanted…

With a sigh she threw the letter on the floor and lay down beside her lamp. What was it, in the end, that she wanted? Live as a man? While that would certainly take care of some of her problems, she was sure it would also bring about new complications, complications she couldn’t even imagine yet. And how would she do that, switch to a man? She thought of a story she had read, of the siblings who had pretended to be of the opposite gender and then switched back, and hoped – not for the first time – that she too had a brother to switch with. Sometimes she dreamed of just making up a brother for herself… she had the whole tragic story ready in her mind, how he had been stolen away as a child and only now been reunited with his family. Then she could be either a man or a woman, whichever pleased her more.

In the darkness of the night, that plan felt almost feasible, but as the sun rose she always realized how impossible it was. For one thing, she would need at least the help of her mother for it, and she would never agree. And if she cut her hair to be a man, how would she switch back to a woman if need be?

It was just a silly daydream, better to be forgotten. She gathered herself up from the floor again, picked up the letter and took her brush to finish it.

I am really looking forward to the Iris Festival. The ladies have grand plans of how to decorate the Empress’s quarters, and I believe even Her Majesty is excited about it. I can’t tell you more about that yet, though, for it’s still a secret. The courtiers have been trying to spy on us, but in vain, so far. Their attempts have been so clumsy that it is a great source of amusement for us all!

She wrote on, telling her mother the latest gossip without really thinking too much of what she said, her mind busy on other things. The greatest problem, she thought, where Akitada was concerned, wasn’t so much her gender but her skill as a go player. She was still lacking. She should dedicate every moment she could for the study of go and become even better, so that the next time they played (there had to be a next time, even if only in the far-off future) he would see beyond her appearance, into what really mattered.

Perhaps then… perhaps then she would be able to do something about her… situation. Now was much too soon. She was still new at the court, a nobody. She had to make a name for herself, become someone who could challenge even the Emperor’s go tutor. If she tried to be as unfeminine as she could, maybe in the end they would be able to see her above all as a go player, not just as a woman. And then, maybe…

Soft knocking came from the door, and she froze. Akitada, again? But surely he wouldn’t come to visit her like this when she wasn’t alone! She glanced at her companion who was still asleep, immensely happy of her presence. The quiet tapping repeated. “Are you awake?” a voice whispered, and she gave a great sigh of relief, recognizing one of the ladies who had been keeping company to the Empress.

Quickly she shuffled to the door on her knees and parted it a little. “Yes?”

“Oh, good, you hadn’t completely undressed yet,” the lady exclaimed. “The Empress cannot sleep and she has requested your presence. I believe she wishes to play a game with you.”

Sai smiled widely, paying no attention to the slightly cold tone in the lady’s voice. “I’m ready in an instant!” she said, louder than she had meant, and her roommate rolled over, glancing at the door.

“What is it?” she mumbled sleepily.

“Oh, I’m sorry I woke you, I must go to the Empress,” Sai replied while quickly throwing the over-robe on her shoulders.

“What?” The lady sat up, trying to blink sleep out of her eyes. “Should I too…” she started, beginning to reach for her clothes, but the one who had come to fetch Sai shook her head.

“No. It’s only her that’s wanted,” she said.

Sai stood up, not noticing the look the ladies shared. She straightened her robes, patted her hair to make sure it wasn’t tangled, and nodded, ready and eager to go. Her roommate lay back down as they started their way to the Empress’s quarters without another word.

This was the start, she thought to herself. The Empress was a good player, and she too would learn much from the games the played. Day by day she’d climb higher, all the way to the top.

The letter was left on the floor, forgotten and unfinished, as she headed to the Empress, her mind full of dreams of a wonderful future.

~* ~


A/N: The poems in this fic were originally exchanged by Murasaki Shikibu and Michinaga.

[Honen]

Sep. 20th, 2014 10:17 am
answer_key: (Default)
Things That Burn


"I don't need a chaperone, Grandfather." Ochi shoved her glasses up her nose then crossed her arms over her chest awkwardly. "Touya-pro is coming over for a teaching game. That's all. When there is go, you don't need to worry about me getting distracted."
 
With a deep laugh, the old man patted her head, ruffling her short bob of a haircut. "I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about him. What kind of boy can resist a cute girl like yourself?"
 
Pushing her grandfather's hand away, Ochi scowled and fixed her hair as best she could without a mirror. "Touya-pro is only interested in go. As am I. The only things of his I'll be touching are his stones as I capture them." She held her chin up, defiant, and fought the urge to push her glasses up anew. "I'll be in the study, so let him in, offer tea, and then leave us to our game."
 
There was a comfort to the routine of setting up the board, wiping it clean of any dust garnered since the previous night and placing the goke just so atop the grid of the goban. She let her carefully filed nails tap against the wood as she sucked at her bottom lip, trying to get her mind into the right place to truly attack as she needed to in order to dominate. She was broken from it only a moment later as the door opened and Touya Akira walked through, his jacket draped over his arm. "Welcome. Shall we play?" Ochi fanned out her hand at the board.
 
Placing his jacket on the sofa in the room, Touya joined her at the table without so much as a bow of his head. "I've seen Shindou-san's games recently. She's getting better. You'll need to work even harder."
 
Opening the goke closer to her, Ochi shrugged one shoulder. "You know, my grandfather wanted to chaperone us."
 
The look on Touya's face was one of confusion. "Why would he need to do that? I'm certainly not teaching you to gamble or anything else untoward."
 
Gripping a few of the black stones between her fingers, Ochi forced a smile onto her face. "Of course not. He's an old man, and a foolish one at that. Who knows what he was thinking?"
 
"Nigiri." Touya said it as enough of an order that Ochi's jaw tightened as she thrust her fingers between the stones to grab a handful, pulling them out to let them fall across the board as Touya slapped down his one white stone to her seven black, winning the right to the black stones. "I don't know if you'll think this helpful or not, but when Shindou-san does nigiri and has the black stones in front of her, she's much more likely to have an even number of stones. Her hands are small, so she rarely pulls more than six stones. It is an advantage to know your opponent like that."
 
Ochi's eyes shut and she reached up to adjust her glasses once more. Of course Touya-pro would know more about Shindou-san's hands than just the ones she played. There was something captivating about Shindou-san. There had to be, but Ochi knew she couldn't see it. Touya-pro, though... that was all he seemed to see. Ochi had heard enough talk around the Ki-in to know that everyone thought that Shindou-san and Touya-pro were entwined with a red string of fate. As Touya-pro placed his first stone, Ochi decided she hated red, hated fate, and definitely hated Shindou Hikaru. But, most of all, she hated the way her hatred burned inside of her like a bonfire, consuming everything but her own weakness that she hated most of all.

[Hadaka]

Sep. 20th, 2014 09:53 am
answer_key: (find your answer)
 The Intrepid


One day in February, Akira is looking in the mirror and combing out his hair and suddenly there’s a huge yawning chasm between his self and his reflection. It feels like a real physical distance; it feels dangerous and terrifying; and it beckons.
 
He runs his fingers through the fringe absently, an echo two months in the making of Shindo’s hesitant, awkward outreach. Akira had jumped at the time, leaving behind three heavy strands pinched between Shindo’s first two fingers— fingers that automatically aligned like any go player’s, like most times Akira’s did, with middle over index. Shindo’s fingers, plucking at Akira’s fringe…
 
Akira was concerned chiefly that anyone would see, and so he looked: the salon was nearly empty, though, just Ms. Ichikawa putting away teacups and one set of opponents who always came late after they got off work and another set of elderly opponents looking about to fall asleep at the board. (When had everyone else left?) Now it was quiet, too quiet to really argue with Shindo, too quiet to say, Not in public.
 
Which, in hindsight, would have probably told Shindo way too much. Akira told him enough with the way he didn’t speak a word of reproach, the way he went back to staring at the board as if nothing happened. Oddly, he fought his lips from twitching into a smile. It was difficult and mildly mortifying.
 
Shindo said with a rare quaver, “I resign.”
 
“Already?” Akira asked, somewhat astonished. Then he glared suspiciously. “Why?”
 
“Shut up,” Shindo muttered automatically. It seemed to require not a small amount of bravery for him to continue, lighter, “Let’s go get some ramen. Or a burger. Whatever, uh. Whatever you’re in the mood for.”
 
They cleared their board and said goodnight to Ms. Ichikawa, who yawned and smiled but didn’t have enough energy left to really respond. The night was cold, so Akira buttoned his coat primly and was mildly surprised when Shindo held out his scarf for him. It was all very suspect, but Akira allowed him to continue being uncharacteristically thoughtful until they had reached a little shop that Akira didn’t mind.
 
No one was looking the next time Shindo reached out. This time, Akira wouldn’t have minded if they had.
 
Shindo rolled thick strands between his fingers, quietly pensive. There was comfort to be found in the tiny tremors in those fingers; they reassured Akira’s faintly fluttering heart. Akira kept his eyes on Shindo’s chin as he chewed his tonkatsu. 
 
It was easy to know everything about Shindo at that moment— the tiny little stain on the side of his jeans where he might have wiped greasy fingers at lunch time, or the terrible posture of his back, or the silliest, smallest patch of hair on the edge of his chin where he might have shaved hopefully. Yes, it was easy, and right, Akira thinks now, and lovely to know everything about Shindo.
 
Only, he didn’t. He hardly knew anything. He knew nothing about Shindo, but...  
 
But it was… good. To sit there with him. The chill winter air was rattling the sliding doors behind them, but they were safe and together here, tucked away in a warm little shop where the grills heated the space easily and no one bothered them.
 
Shindo finally dropped his hand, maybe only to stuff more food in his maw, and then said crudely around his mouthful: “You gonna grow it out?”
 
Akira felt lightheaded and a little slow. “Excuse me?”
 
“Your hair,” Shindo said more clearly. “You’ve had the same length since we were, like, eleven. Are you just gonna have it like that?”
 
Akira felt his cheeks warm. People didn’t usually say anything about his choice; trust Shindo, though, to be the one who broke that little rule. Akira struggled for a moment before he, in a fit of fondness, went with the truth: “I think if I went any longer, it might be inconvenient.”
 
“Hm.” Shindo swallowed, squinted. “Like, getting in your face when you’re bent over the board? But it already does that.”
 
“No,” Akira stuttered. He took a deep breath that stung his lungs a little. “No, more… Inconvenient… As in what people might think.”
 
Shindo’s face squashed darkly. “Like what?” It sounded defensive, but not entirely on Akira’s behalf. 
 
In response, Akira shrugged, lopsided and awkward. At the crest of the shrug, his shoulder his the bottom of his hair. “It’s okay to have it like this. But any longer, and that’ll be a bit strange. Actually,” Akira said and winced. He deliberated on whether or not to say this— he hadn’t ever talked about his hair to anyone but his mother and, in smaller ways, his father —but Shindo was his friend now, and what good were friends if you couldn’t— just a little —be anxious around them?
 
“Actually,” Akira continued after a moment’s hesitation. “I was thinking I was getting a little older, so maybe I have to cut it soon.”
 
“Don’t you dare,” Shindo cut in almost before the words were out of Akira’s mouth. He looked angry and faintly horrified. Akira reflexively reached up to smooth his hair.
 
“No?” Akira asked with the hint of a tease. 
 
“No,” Shindo responded seriously. “You don’t want to, do you?”
 
That had Akira’s heart fluttering again. “Don’t what?”
 
“You don’t want to cut your hair.”
 
“No,” Akira admitted. “Not really.”
 
“Then don’t! Who cares what anyone else thinks, Touya. Kick their ass in a match if they look sideways at you!”
 
Akira couldn’t help the grin taking over his face— he could only attempt to contain it by clamping his lips shut. Shindo’s eyes were shining with righteousness where they met Akira’s. Shindo kept them there, and Akira felt like he was trying to impart some important message that Akira could only understand half of. Typical Shindo! If only he would say it aloud…
 
“My parents probably wouldn’t like it very much, to be honest,” Akira eventually demurred, hoping his tone would convey that he wasn’t rejecting Shindo’s sudden fierce protection. But his face fell a little at the thought. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass my father.”
 
“Fuck that!”
 
“Shindo!”
 
“Sorry.” Now Shindo was looking anywhere but Akira’s reproachful gaze. He stared out the clear doors, out at the passersby with a furrowed brow as if they, too, would challenge his ire, and he wouldn’t back down from them the way he was, most strangely, backing down from Akira. He continued, “Really, though. What would he care? You’re a fantastic player, you’re so strong, and you’re gonna surpass everything he’s done one day. You know that, right? That’s who you are, Touya. So who cares if you’re… if you’re different,” he finished quietly. He dropped his gaze to his empty bowl.
 
Akira didn’t reply. It suddenly felt like they were on the edge of something a little dangerous. Akira wanted to deny it, say that his hair wouldn’t be such a big deal. He didn’t particularly want to cut it, he liked the length, he liked the way it touched his face, but it wouldn’t be a great hardship to part with it. Akira wanted to say this… but when he looked at Shindo’s stormy expression, he knew it was a lie he didn’t have to make himself believe right now.
 
One of them made the first move to get going, he’s not sure which, but then they had both paid and were walking off again, side by side. In a contemplative funk, they found themselves slow-walking and unwilling to part. Shindo gestured weakly at a park when they drew up to it. Akira went with him. Something strange was moving inside of Shindo right now; Akira didn’t want to leave him to it. Shindo’s business was his business, as far as he was concerned.
 
“My parents are…” Shindo stopped, mouth still open, then snapped it shut. 
 
Akira waited for a moment, then realized they were both just standing there in the middle of a playground at what might be midnight, them seventeen, nearly eighteen years old, and Shindo was trying to say something important. So he sat down on a swing, knees together and elbows tucked in, and fixed Shindo with an encouraging, attentive face. Shindo’s eyes glittered in the light of a streetlamp, and they felt like an xray on Akira. What was he seeing in Akira that made this whole conversation come to light? Perhaps they had never talked this seriously before— at least about anything more than go.  
 
But Shindo simply wasn’t the kind who shared, and yet here he was on the cusp of sharing with Akira. It was the stuff of racing hearts. No matter what, Akira wouldn’t desert him over whatever would come out of his mouth next. ‘Eternal rivals’, and all that. Nothing could make Akira stop wanting to be near Shindo. Nothing could make him want to abandon Shindo when something deep was swirling in that secret head of his— any time Shindo seems darkhearted, Akira can’t help but remember him in the throes of mysterious suffering, unwilling to play go. Akira never wants to leave Shindo to that again.
 
Shindo knew that— Akira could see him work it out, the gears turning in his head as he studied Akira’s open, serious face, the face where the cold had turned his nose red and that the odd hair curtained. So Shindo finally breathed deep and shuddering and found a huge tire to sit on facing Akira, and he said:
 
“I’m not what my parents expected, you know. Not in any way. At least yours, they got you all polite and proper and good at go. But mine… I feel bad sometimes. Y’know? I feel bad for my mom. Just a little. And they let me do just whatever I want… but they’re so damn clueless. Like, I’m so used to, to just doing whatever comes in my head. Like taking up go and dropping out of school and stuff. Buying my own clothes. Hell, going to Innoshima and the like! They won’t stop me. They’ll never stop me. So I guess in that way, I’m lucky. But… they keep their hands off. Like, seriously. They don’t understand me, I guess. I’ve always been weird. So. When I do something new that’s weird. Like go. They just… It’s like they think, ‘Well, it isn’t as weird as that other thing’, and if it isn’t as weird as that how can they complain? But they don’t really get involved, either. They just sort of sit back and… I guess that’s why I don’t really feel close to them.” 
 
Shindo bit his lip, looking very soft and young in that light. He continued, “I don’t think anyone would understand, really. I could try to explain, but I’ve only got two parents who have to love me unconditionally, you know. I don’t think everyone else would just say, ‘Okay’ like they have. So I… I don’t want to explain.”
 
The fire returned to his eyes. More sure of himself, he said, “I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to be ashamed. So that’s the way I live my life in general. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. It’s not like they can stop me. No one is ever going to stop me from being who I want, acting the way I want!”
 
Akira wanted to drink in Shindo’s brave face forever. Still, he never wants to be apart from this person. He wants that courage, that intrepid spirit, that strength of will to guide him and inspire him for the rest of his life.
 
Shindo finished, “So. Since it’s you. Only you, Touya, you know I— I don’t want you to hide, either. Whatever it is you feel you want to do, just— just do it. Whoever you want to be. Don’t let anyone hold you back. I know you can do that. I know you can be…” He smiles at last, the first since he got in this funk. “You can be amazing.”
 
Akira smiled back shakily, nerves on high, heart swelling thickly with every pump. He walked Shindo home, then, at who-knows-what time in the morning. The lights were off in Shindo’s house. He thought Shindo must’ve been a little relieved. Shindo looked at one of the windows on the second story and said, “Sorry. I usually keep that stuff to myself. I’m just thinking about it now that I’m getting older, I guess. You know, adulthood, it changes things. I keep thinking about the future, the path I’ve chosen, the obstacles in my way, and how I’m gonna have to overcome them. How people might not like the person I’m gonna be. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve always done my own thing.” Shindo looked back at Akira and said, most sincerely, “And I know that you’re gonna be there, too. We already agreed.” 
 
Then it came flooding into Akira, burning and glaringly obvious, and yet— he didn’t know how it suddenly made sense. His head had been buzzing with Shindo’s words as they had walked in companionable silence, Shindo still coming down from the nervous high of what must have been his most emotional confession to another living person in his entire life. Akira had been proud, happy to receive these words from Shindo, and he felt closer to his rival, his friend than ever before. But he didn’t quite understand…
 
... and then, suddenly, he did, and it took his breath away. 
 
“Why did you tell me all that?” Akira whispered into the dark suburban night.
 
Shindo’s eyes flashed in quicksilver emotion. “Because… you know, I… I really do think we were meant to walk together. Like there’s something drawing us together. I don’t know. Fate. We’re— we’re meant to hold each other up.”
 
Akira waited. Shindo finally clarified,
 
“I think you’re like me. You are, aren’t you?”
 
And he reached out to take a lock of Akira’s hair between his fingers once more. The air was electric and Akira couldn’t breathe. 
 
Shindo whispered, “I just know. I just feel it. Because I’m always watching you… Because of that, I’m the only one who can see...“
 
Akira reached back. He understood, understood, but how could he know? He knew instinctively, like he knew that Shindo was and was not Sai. Shindo hadn’t said anything explicit, but…
 
Akira rested his hand on Shindo’s hip. It was shaking. He trailed it up, skimming intimately into a very pronounced dipping waist— up, following the curve of a body Shindo kept under relaxed, concealing fabric. He felt a slick, stiff undershirt that didn’t budge. And he looked up into Shindo’s face, wondering how he could have just now registered the smoothness of his skin, the bareness of his face, the high pitch of his voice…The fullness of his lips… 
 
“I know who you really are,” Shindo whispered. His hand was still full of Akira’s hair. “And I don’t want you to hide. Because, to me, you are—“
 
 
Akira blushes deeply to remember that night, but he is tainted by shame. He was afraid, the same fear as right now, brush in hand and looking at his face in the mirror. It makes him wonder how Shindo felt, those years ago, when he skipped all those games. What sort of fear, what sort of shame must it have took to drive him away; what sort of bravery did it take to come back?
 
With quaking hands, Akira settles the brush on the sink and runs his fingers through his hair again. He looks at the sharpness of his face but also at the beauty. He brushes a finger over the length of his eyelashes, and, in a parody of what he did to Shindo, runs his hands over his (straight) waist, his (narrow) hips, and then back up again, over his (flat) chest, to settle lightly on his collarbones. Akira looks at and likes the thinness of his fingers, the smallness of his wrists. 
 
At last, he walks quietly back into his room, unhooks the phone from the charger, and dials Shindo’s number.
 
“Hello,” Shindo answers grumpily.
 
It’s been two months. Two months since they’ve said more than the barest of pleasantries when passing at the institute.
 
“I’m sorry,” Akira says.
 
He can just hear Shindo’s breathing for many long moments. Then Shindo capitulates. “It’s fine.”
 
“It isn’t, though,” Akira says, not feeling up to anything more than a murmur. 
 
“It is,” Shindo says firmly. “Hell. I did enough running away from you and giving you the silent treatment, it’s fine you get a turn.”
 
Akira takes a deep gulp of air. His heart is buzzing. His parents aren’t home, but he’s quiet anyway when he says, “You were right.” And just like that, he’s free. Akira says it again, “You were right about me.”
 
“Yeah,” Shindo says. His voice is warm.
 
Suddenly the future blossoms beautifully inside Akira’s heart. When they hang up with a promise to meet at the salon, Akira has time to wonder how his shoulders, which had always seemed so tight under the weight of his familial duty, could possibly be so loose and light now. He calls his hairdresser next to cancel his routine appointment, and then, without thinking, he picks out something soft and lavender from his closet.
 
Half a year from this moment, Akira and Hikaru will be sitting before each other at an official match. Having lost, Hikaru will look up and gaze at Akira as if he’s never seen him before, something he does after a particularly intense game, and then he will notice. He will then invite his friend out to lunch, where he will extend his hand and bury it in Akira’s long, dark tresses where they flow over Akira’s shoulders.
 
“It looks great,” he’ll say. Akira will smile shyly, brightly. And then they’ll go back to arguing about the damn go game.
 
And in a year from that moment, in a hotel room before a convention, Akira will tell Hikaru to wait and then disappear into the bathroom. Akira will come out, suit pants shucked and replaced with a skirt.
 
“Do you think I can get away with it?” Akira will ask, a spark of mischief alighting her eyes. “I’ll be sitting down almost all day.”
 
“Who cares if you’re sitting?” Hikaru will point out belligerently, rubbing idly at his sideburns. “Who can complain to see legs like those?”
 
“Stop it!” Akira answers with a blush and swats Hikaru on the arm.
 
And a year from that, and two and three, and continuing along the line, Hikaru and Akira will continue to walk their paths side by side, as they’re meant to: honestly, and bravely; something the go world had never seen before, surely. Always one step closer to their destinies, to divinity.

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